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Sunday, March 29, 2009

We Like The Cars, The Cars That Go Boom

Some call it a re-post. I call it Classic... Was busy with the puppy shower yesterday and am cleaning today. Wil post "afresh" early this evening.


With all respect due to the owners of the cars that I can hear coming from a number of blocks away – assuming, of course, that they’re due any respect – can we just get it on the record right now that:
Yes, you are very cool;
Yes, we admire you;
Yes, we approve of your taste in music; and
Yes, we wish that we, like you, had it “going on”, “together” or whatever we’re saying these days.

Do I sound crabby? I do? Hmmm. I should work on that.

Well, I don’t mean to sound crabby, but sometimes, when a low, seismic shaking has seized the house, when the windows rattle and I am compelled to run to the porch in time to see the tanks that I assume must rumbling down my street only to discover that it’s actually a car with a stereo system designed for something more in keeping with the vibrations required to reduce buildings to rubble, I get tired.

Oh, so tired.

It’s not the music itself. It’s not even, per se, the decibel level of the music. It’s the implied assumption that we all want to hear what you’ve been listening to because, gosh darn it, we see you as a trendsetter and an example to be followed. Or perhaps you’re completely unaware that there are others in the neighborhood who may not be interested in what you’re listening to? That’s what gets my goat. And yes, I’ve been known to try to hide my goat by repeating “Live and let live, live and let live” until the urge to throttle goes away; but when it’s in the middle of the night, I sometimes forget my commitment to the humanities and think soothing and vengeful thoughts of retribution.

Yesssssss. I picture myself dressed in black, ninja style, rappelling down the side of my house somewhere around 3:00 a.m., slipping, cat-like, amongst the alleys to Mr. Bass Speakers’ house, surreptitiously letting the air out of his tires, sprinkling a little Buck Scent into the seams around his hood, leaving a cryptic and slightly sarcastic note about his taste in music and how much the neighborhood enjoys knowing that he’s six blocks from the house, five blocks away the house, four blocks away…

Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa! It’s these little fantasies that keep me smiling. Childish? Perhaps. Satisfying? Yes.

Next? My plans to track down and tattoo the words “I Steal Stuff” to the foreheads of the person and/or persons who stole four of the nine brass jello molds affixed to the gate around the back garden. Stay tuned, kids!

22 comments:

Kavi said...

Classics are classics. Arent they !?!

I wonder whats come of the plan to track down and tattoo !?!

That would be interesting to read !

:)

Eskimo Bob said...

You bring about a keen insight into the psyche of the Alabamans - I don't know what they're called, so I called "the owners of the cars that I can hear coming from a number of blocks away".

It's almost as though you've lived that life - that you've tub thumped in your day (OK I changed the name from Alabaman to tub thump).


So as aggravating as the Mitch's (name change again) are - next time we hear these Alabamans (trying it back on for size) coming down the street - remember it may be Pearl doing research for her next re-post of those Rat Bastards (name change).

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I think there are ordinances about that. Maybe a word in the ear of the local fuzz.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Ah, yes, I love the Car people! Makes me wish I could be one of them (not).

Mandy's Kidding said...

You should hear me when I crank up the bass on my Neil Diamond's Greatest Hits CD and cruise through the hood.

Pretty fly for a white girl.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Oops. I think I might be one of those car people. It's not my fault thought. Something about warm air and longer days...makes me turn up the bass on the Bee Gees every time.

Venom said...

Ummm, okay you've dragged it out of me, I confess. It was me that stole the jello moulds - but only because I didn't understand why they were hanging on the fence!?! It offended me, really. I am sorry.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I grew up in vibrating base central. You know it's Spring in DC when the cherry blossoms bloom, the Mall fills with tourists and the local drivers all roll down their windows to provide passersby with a preview of what is currently popular in rap music. I love my hometown...

ICKY said...

Its really funny when you hear a car like that coming, getting louder and louder, and you see it and its a pile of crap. dented, 2 different color doors. Tinted back window with a bubble in the middle, 2 uniroyals and a 1 Good year, 3 hub caps, Something in the left front tire keeps squeaking.
As the rolling obscenities roll by, you can hear every piece of trim and metal shaking and vibrating. A $100 car, $2500 in stereo equipment....Do they have to pay extra for the rattling?

citizen of the world said...

I hate having to hear someone's music, especially with the supersonic bass, from their cars.

fingers said...

Those jello moulds make really good hood ornaments...

JBA said...

First, not a thing wrong with a classic. But I want to know... Did you get the jello moulds back?

Irish Gumbo said...

Funny...On my iTunes, I was just listening to "Revenge Wears No Wristwatch" by the Walkmen. At a perfectly acceptable low volume, so as not to disturb any others.

I have a spare ninja suit, if you need it. Not that I did anything like that to the knuckleheads in my neighborhood who have the same volume issues. Just sayin'...

Jodie Kash said...

Uhhh, one of those ass-wipes was next to me at the gas pump today.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Yeah, I wrinkle my nose at them and then see that my five year old has shiny eyes... so I know what's coming in another 10 years.

Joanie M said...

Oh, I just LOVE when my daughter pulls up from work late at night with her radio blasting so loud I can hear it in the back of the house. And she wonders why her windshield leaks when it rains.

Jocelyn said...

I'm now humming "Low Rider" to myself.

My whole house is shaking.

SOMETHING HAPPENED SOMEWHERE TURNING said...

I would choose to use the Dominant Buck scent and not sparingly (just around the hood), I would dump it over the whole Effing car. I may have to order me some of that myself.

Jeanne said...

Old Dog loves to get into a decibel war, using bluegrass to fire fight.

And when they get older, those kids will be just as deaf as he is.

Bevie said...

You forgot the sign for people with dogs.

My Dog Thinks Your Yard is His Toilet

Emerson Marks said...

Traffic gets pretty heavy outside my flat. A stationary convertible saw fit to blast out Celine Dion last week. No shame.

Jose Sinclair said...

classic - 'reduce buildings to rubble'.. when I was a kid my mom bought a 57 ford with a 357 t-bird engine in it - ! you could just sit and spin rubber if you wanted.. soccer mom? Mine was a Nascar mom!.. crazy..

these folks have ear damage from the music then have to turn it gradually higher to hear it at all

"When we need something extra, we turn our amps to 11" - This Is Spinal Tap..

..lol.. - Jman