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Monday, March 30, 2009

SPACE BAGS!!!!

Have you seen these things, these – wait. Perhaps you've never found yourself held in late-night thrall by the infomercial?

And before we get started, any time you are faced with the word “infomercial”, by the way, duck for cover. This also holds true for “docudrama” and, in my experience, “sitcom”.

I have enjoyed, however, a number of “rockumentaries”.

I haven’t quite worked that out yet, but I’m okay with my possible hypocrisy.

But this is not about my love of Spinal Tap or backstage interviews of, say, 60's era Rolling Stones. This is about the Space Bags.

Do you have piles of fluffy blankets littering your hallways? Are excess pillows getting in the way of your good times?

Or perhaps you just think it would be cool to collapse your winter clothes into a bouillon-sized cube for airtight storage until seasonably necessary again?

Well for heaven’s sake, honey, don’t put your trust in those lousy Space Bags.

You’ve seen these, right?

They seemed like a good idea: plastic bags with one-way valves and zip-lock-style zippers on one end. According to the grinning man on the TV, you just put the stuff you want to store in the bag, arrange the articles nice and flat, zip it up, fit your vacuum nozzle to the one-way valve and huwwwwwwwwwwwwwwttt! All the air is sucked out! Pop a cover on the valve and voila! Flat, odor-free, waterproof storage!

Yep, it’s a good idea.

Too bad only one of the seven bags (only $19.95!) has held its seal.

Too bad that no matter how you pack the “hanging” bag for the winter coats the momentarily-vacuum-sealed bag does not hang flat but instead hangs in lumpen, cost-and-space-inefficient misery.

My purchase of these bags was the transactional equivalent of emptying the contents of my wallet directly into the garbage.

I can’t believe that guy on the TV lied to me.

41 comments:

Under the Influence said...

I've always wondered about those things. Now I know.

Scrappy Doo said...

Damn, I thought that would be the perfect thing. Heck the woman even puts her space bags of clothes in the tub full of water. What a let down!!
Have you bought the Sham (something rag)? supposed to be the best ever. I would love it if it was true.
Hope ya get your money back
Scrappy

Mandy's Kidding said...

ShamWow.

MuseSwings said...

Yep, Pearl, we enjoyed the same experience with the Space Bags, the hands free can openers that run so slowly you can give yourself a manicure while you wait for it ti circumnavigate the can. Oh and the magical grass seed that covers 20 square feet - if you're a Liliputian. So now, every time we see an informertial we just go thorw a few bucks into the street. Get the same result with no shipping charges.

Pearl said...

Under the Influence, well the one that worked worked great! THe others are garbage...

Scrappy Doo, the ShamWow! And I haven't bought it, but know someone who did and yes, the ShamWow really works well!

Mandy's Kidding, Vince wants you to know that he'll throw in free shipping and handling! It's just that easy!! :-)

Pearl said...

MuseSwings, you made me LOL on that one. :-)

Jodie Kash said...

Saw a live demo of Space Bags on the "Today Show" years back and they keep popping. Of course Katie tried to work past the break down and just keep sucking. So did the bags.

Ba-dum-bum! THANK YOU! I'll be here all week!

Pearl said...

Jodie, are you guys just funny today or do I need more sleep?! AGAIN with the LOLing, I had quite a coughing fit on that one!
Too funny, girl.
Pearl

The Retired One said...

Oh.
But I DO love my aquaglobes!!
You've got to be careful that you don't plug the hole with dirt when you put it in, but they DO work!
And,they're puuurrrrty.

Also,the blue microwave pasta cooker works good too..but I can't believe I paid almost $20 for a PLASTIC dealie.
What is WRONG with me??????
I have been brainwashed, for God's sake!!!

ICKY said...

I have a few of the space bags. Work fine for me. They keep my stuff dry, and odor free. Are my 3 king size comforters flat as a notebook? No, but they are dry and odor free.

Also I just used my imitation 'slap-chop' this morning chop the dry ingredients on my miracle cutting surface (flexible and machine washable)for a yummy omelet.
And used my magic bullet to whip the eggs.

I'm totally serious....lol....sad kinda, but true.
If there wasn't a "As seen on TV" store at M.O.A., my kitchen would probably be empty.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Me too! They look so convincing... along with the gal who shows you 150 recipes you can make using the blender she advertises, and the steam vacuum which tells me to toss out all my cleaning products the moment I buy it!

powdergirl said...

Thanks for the funny read!
You and your posters are particularly hilarious this fine monday morning.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

The only space bags that really work are the ones you fill with junk and take to the Goodwill.

Kavi said...

There is this Teleshopping. They show you a herbal concoction and then a six pack abs.

You obviously make the connection and make the payment too.

The concoction arrives. And you consume. Your one large pack stays the same !

One heck of a space bag !!

Eskimo Bob said...

Dang Infomercials -

I was gonna post something about them as well; now I'm afraid it has to wait.

The ShamWow's are fantastic! Too bad Vince the pitch guy punched that prostitute. You just can't believe in Good Guys anymore.

As far as space bags go - we just use trash bags and tie them off. The vacuum seal works well enough for travel purposes, but nothing long term storage.

Ann's Rants said...

and I heart mockumentaries for that matter. More, Christopher Guest and friends, please. In fact, may we join them Pearl? May we?

Perhaps if you took your winter things and put them in the Ronco Food dehydrator you'd have more success. Just an idea.

Ryan Ashley Scott said...

So sad... I'm sure the order I just put in for them last night will be totally different. Totally.

A Woman Of No Importance said...

So sad, Pearl - I was almost sold on those informercials, but then I stuck myself in the eye with an pointy stick - No need to take down any numbers after that!

Thank you for the laugh today!

Vic said...

At least you didn't buy those foot patches that suck your "impurities" out through the soles of your feet.
Did you?

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Pearl,

All I could think of after reading this were the immortal words of P.T. Barnum, "There's a customer born every minute"

U

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearl...they only work in outer space....duh.

:)

Jenny said...

Me too, the seals on the big and most useful one I got broke straight away. Since the bags are for storing items you aren't using you have to wonder if you actually need those items anyway. Waste of space bags if you ask me. I'm beginning to think that anything that has to be demonstrated won't work for me.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

When I was in college, I used to get easily distracted from my late-night paper-writing by that Curves commercial. You know, the pair of falsies that you put in and the...ahem...girls suddenly look firmer, rounder and bigger? I mean, I just HAD to do closer inspection on the screen to make sure one couldn't tell that the ladies were wearing them, right?

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

That's just grreeat...I have me some of these space bags, and have not had the pleasure of using them yet. I was SO looking forward to it. Now I'm just very depressed.

Completely Alienne said...

How very dare they? Lie to you I mean. Sounds like my chimney balloon - sounded like a good idea, shove it up the chimney, blow it up, it blocks the great big hole that would otherwise suck out all your nice expensively warmed air. When you want to light a fire, you deflate it. Except the damn thing deflates itself every other day and you get covered in soot putting it back up.

Jeanne said...

Thanks for the heads up -- they were singing their siren song to me, too.

kimber p said...

wait, wait.....I just bought a box of Space bags, put all of my winter sweaters in them and I think they're fantastic!! I was gonna do a blog about how wonderful they are!! lol...omg! Yes, they're lumpy..no, you can't hang them up, they're WAY too heavy..but holy crap, my sweaters are moth proof, mold and mildew proof, dust proof, spider proof...um, earthquake proof..tsunami proof....

JBA said...

Oh darn. I was so hoping to store my collection of Slankets (sleeved blankets) in the space bags. Rats.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Pearl I got sucked into that Smooth Away hair removal "system"

Imagine shaving your legs with an emery board. That is what it amounted to. A $14.95 emery board.

It looked so believable on TV!

Peace - Rene

lizspin said...

And they make it look so simple!!!

Pearl said...

Retired One, I always wondered about the Aquaglobes!

Icky, yours work?! What the?!! I’m going to the MOA this summer. I’ll have to stop by the As Seen On TV store…

Roshni, they make it look so good!

Powdergirl, that’s what I was thinking! Everybody’s really “on” today!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life, clever girl!

Kavi, all I wanted was to store my heavy blankets!

Eskimo Bob, I heard that about Vince!
And your suggestion about the garbage bag is a good one…

Ann, mockumentary! That’s the word I was looking for! And I would LOVE to have anything to do with Christopher Guest et al. Did you see A Mighty Wind? Loved it.
And I almost forgot about Ron Popeil and his Pocket Fisherman…

Ryan Ashley, Of course it will! It will be completely different!

A Woman of No Importance, oh, I wish I’d had a pointy stick handy before I’d picked up that phone and ordered the Space Bags…

Vic, are you suggesting that those wouldn’t work?! (What the heck are those things anyway?!)

U, you know, you just never think it’s going to happen to you…

Sweet Cheeks, ack! *slaps self on forehead* :-)

Jenny, all I wanted was to store my off-season clothes and they wouldn’t let me!

iNDefatigable, Curves? Really? You are so easy.

Mary, maybe they’ll work for you, though! Icky’s works!

Completely Alienne, see, now that chimney balloon sounds like a good idea to me…

Jeanne, it’s just such a great idea, isn’t it?

Kimber, are you kidding me? So it’s you and Icky? I went to some website that grades infomercials and I’d say 8 out of 10 reviewers gave the Space Bags 1 star out of 5. You and Icky are the lucky few. One of my bags actually came with holes in it!

JBA, the Slankets?! We’ve been laughing about the sleeved blankets for months!

Rene, see, I thought those would be a good idea. Doesn’t sound as bad as the Epilady. Remember that one? Guaranteed to rip the hair out of your body but the root…

Lizspin, I still wish it worked…

Michelle said...

Pearly-Q thank you!! You have saved the blogosphere A LOT of $$$!!

GO YOU!!!

citizen of the world said...

Ha ha ha! I'm sorry to laugh at your misfortune, but that's pretty funny. Infomercials are something else. I read in Consumer Reports that those green bags actually make fruits and veggies decay faster! Still, they sure do make things seem appealing...

(I'm a fan of mockumentaries, myself.)

Pearl said...

Michelle, it's just one of the many services I provide. :-)

Citizen of the World, really?! We can't even trust the green bags?!

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I've always been fascinated by those bags...but now I will have to restrain myself.

Lilly said...

Funny how great these things look in the middle of the twilight hours when you cant sleep and turn on the infomercials. Everyting looks so shiny, new and a must have.

I was even tempted to buy a globe the other week. Ugliest thing I have seen in the light of day. I am interested in the psychology behind these kind of sales techniques. They suck people in literally.

I have never bought the bags and thanks to you I never will.

The Jules said...

Dissing on infomercials now, Pearl? They are practically a public service you know?

Well, I have never regretted buying my cordless echidna buffer, and that was the deluxe model with the patent prickle sharper, which to be honest I don't use as much as I thought I would.

SweetPeaSurry said...

It's good to know that the space bags have 'air vents' ... you know ... in case you're trying to sneak a baby on an airplane or something.

blessings!

ICKY said...

"Citizen of the World, really?! We can't even trust the green bags?!"


Can you really trust 'green' anything??

Suldog said...

Well, I was considering buying that colon cleansing stuff I keep seeing advertised, but after reading this...

Chemi Che-Mponda said...

I really want to try the Space Bags. After all the negative reviews, I think I'll wait a while. I don't want to fall for 1-800- STUPID.