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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Of Course I’m Irish, and Other Fabulous Half-Truths

For some reason, I’m referring to myself in the Third Person today, partly because someone smart-assedly suggested that I do so and partly as a way, I suspect, of separating myself from my baser urges. Either way, I’m good with it!

Ahem.

In a move that shocked and horrified a nation, Pearl, aka That One Blogging Woman, took the day off to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day.

“I called in with eye problems,” crowed Miss Pearl. “I just couldn’t see going in to work.”

She took a deep breath.

“And anyway,” she blathered, alternately checking her cell and her teeth in a hand-held mirror, “if you can’t celebrate the day the country of your ancestors was freed from the grasshoppers – or was it snakes? Wait a minute – which one is this? Is this the one with the snakes? Or was that St. Urhos? Because I’m totally having a drink on that day, too…”

The Plan?

Pearl will meet Kathy at her house at 11:00, the two of them then dropping by the Modern Café for half-priced beer and a healthy layering of beer-soaking– uh, a hearty lunch. They will then climb onto a city bus, where Pearl plans to made both kind and unkind statements about anything/anyone in her line of sight.

“We’ll test the waters,” exclaimed Pearl. “I’m still not sure of that part. I mean, you gotta be in the mood for snark. It’s been a long time since I’ve been “incorrect”, shall we say? but I can feel it comin’ on. I mean, I’m rarely judgmental! For instance, there were a number of potato-nosed, mouth-breathing doofuses on the bus just the other day and all I could do was take notes! But sitting next to someone I know? Ooooh!”

Sources close to Pearl state that this is not unexpected and that she’s been agitated for, well, a lot of her life and that she is looking forward to “busting a move”, as she so eloquently (and archaic-ly) stated the other day.

“It’ll be a good time to be inappropriate,” enthused Pearl. “I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s how my forebears would’ve wanted it.”

29 comments:

The Retired One said...

Oh! You know about St. Urho and all those grasshoppers? I LOVE that!
Remember to wear purple tomorrow...and heck, call in tomorrow too...I mean you gotta treat the two cultures the same, no?
I will be awaiting to hear of your adventures that occur today...because if I was a betting woman, I would bet there will be a post or two about them. Erin go Brough. (or braless)!!!

darsden said...

Party ON Pearl ;-) Good for you not being able to see going to work today. I can't wait to read or hear the notes you wrote and hear ya yappin on the bus. I be the one with the newspaper with a lil hole in it...LOL watching!

Jodie Kash said...

My St. Patio Furniture plans don’t extend farther than a GREEN tea mani-pedi.

O'goodness I need some beer-soaked fun. No line at the horizon.

Frank said...

Snarky comments are for holidays? Oh, Frank didn’t get that memo. Frank believes the whole world deserves snarky comments daily. In fact, Frank has elevated the practice to the level of a religion. Frank was also heard saying he likes Pearl’s blog. Those listening were not sure if that was a snarky comment.

The Jules said...

St Patrick's Day is celebrated in England as well, more than St George's as he was just a smiter of endangered reptiles. At least Paddy only banished his.

Like in Ireland, it will involve some quiet reflection with some decaffeinated coffee and a book of contemporary poetry.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I think your country (part of it) was freed from those snakes, the British.

I'll be performing with my adult dancers tonight...no, not THOSE kind of adult dancers...Irish step-dancers.

I tease my kids who are half Irish that's it the British (me) person in the family bringing them their own culture.

And that's mostly for the beer and bagpipes.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Oh the saints be praised! Our lovely and talented Pearl is gonna, "bust a move" for us.

You go girl!

U

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

If you can't insult someone's potato-nose on St. Patrick's day, then the Terrorists haves already won.

CSY said...

Beer soaked fun? Oh, wow! I guess my invitation got lost in the mail...Hope you have fun today!

Eskimo Bob said...

Today darkness will become light - Cats and mice will play together -
and perhaps . . . Cameron will even come out to play.

Enjoy your day off.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

I think that inappropriate behavior goes hand in hand with green beer. Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Susan said...

You're representing your heritage well. Whatever it is. Have fun and be safe!

Scrappy Doo said...

Bust a Move? Too Funny! have a safe one and I am borrowing the Eye Problem Excuse!
Scrappy

Kavi said...

This Pearl lady has been getting quite a bit of press !!

hmm !

ladyfi said...

Miss Pearl is too funny.. hope you have fun being inappropriate!

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Green beer, and green rivers in some cities I've heard - What's the betting Ms Pearl shall be 'green around the gills' on the morro'? Have fun!

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

It's a Tuesday, might as well go green!

Enjoy yourself and be sure to do plenty of things I would never do ;)

naperville mom said...

I'd just been to Connie's for their special buffet with my Irish friend.
Happy St. Patrick's Day, Pearl! And hey, tomorrow's Dress Green at my daughter's school...

Not The Rockefellers said...

God love ya, Pearl..and I hope you two got as pissed as farts!

Peace - Rene

Steve said...

Give me aa guiness and I'm as Irish as the next man. I even like colcannon.

Michelle said...

HAPPY ST. PADDY'S DAY MY PEARLY-Q LASSIE!!!

Debbie said...

I love that expression - bust a move. Maybe we could bring it back!

Jeanne said...

Drink a green beer for me!

Ian Lidster said...

I don't want to drink beer and then ride on a city bus, unless it's a short hop. Middle age bladder and all being in active working order.
But, an Erin Go Bragh to you in any case, my dear, in both 2nd and 3rd person.

citizen of the world said...

The third person will come in handy when you need someone else to blame for your misbehavior! Enjoy!

lizspin said...

Here for the first time and love your blog. . .

And Mrs. Mom on Spin wishes she had a plan similar to yours today. . . including the eye problems. . .

Gadjo Dilo said...

We're all Irish today. Heck, my mother's father's mother's cousin's haidresser's..... was. I'm having a Guiness.

SparkleFarkle said...

*covered in grasshopper spit* You were right the first time, it was the grasshoppers-- and St. Pat drove them out all the way to Wisconsin. I think in a Chevy, if I'm not mistaken. Oh, heck, I can't be sure. Cars weren't exactly covered in Catholic school when I attended.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Roshni thinks the third person suggestion is fabulous and once more thinks that Pearl has the potential of writing great comedy like PGW!!