For some reason, I’m referring to myself in the Third Person today, partly because someone smart-assedly suggested that I do so and partly as a way, I suspect, of separating myself from my baser urges. Either way, I’m good with it!
In a move that shocked and horrified a nation, Pearl, aka That One Blogging Woman, took the day off to celebrate Saint Patrick’s Day.
“I called in with eye problems,” crowed Miss Pearl. “I just couldn’t see going in to work.”
She took a deep breath.
“And anyway,” she blathered, alternately checking her cell and her teeth in a hand-held mirror, “if you can’t celebrate the day the country of your ancestors was freed from the grasshoppers – or was it snakes? Wait a minute – which one is this? Is this the one with the snakes? Or was that St. Urhos? Because I’m totally having a drink on that day, too…”
Pearl will meet Kathy at her house at 11:00, the two of them then dropping by the Modern Café for half-priced beer and a healthy layering of beer-soaking– uh, a hearty lunch. They will then climb onto a city bus, where Pearl plans to made both kind and unkind statements about anything/anyone in her line of sight.
“We’ll test the waters,” exclaimed Pearl. “I’m still not sure of that part. I mean, you gotta be in the mood for snark. It’s been a long time since I’ve been “incorrect”, shall we say? but I can feel it comin’ on. I mean, I’m rarely judgmental! For instance, there were a number of potato-nosed, mouth-breathing doofuses on the bus just the other day and all I could do was take notes! But sitting next to someone I know? Ooooh!”
Sources close to Pearl state that this is not unexpected and that she’s been agitated for, well, a lot of her life and that she is looking forward to “busting a move”, as she so eloquently (and archaic-ly) stated the other day.
“It’ll be a good time to be inappropriate,” enthused Pearl. “I mean, I’m pretty sure that’s how my forebears would’ve wanted it.”
Be Not Separate
5 hours ago