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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I’m Running Out of Time Re: My Plans for Sainthood

When I was young, back when the Garden of Eden was in bloom and we were still counting how many turtles' shells the Earth was resting on, I actively considered following in the path of Mother Teresa.

No, really.

I was a serious child and could not understand the despair in the world – I was pretty sure I could help.

A lack of confidence has never been one of my problems.

Unfortunately, the path to righteousness has many sideroads at which you may turn; and since leaving childhood, I have gone dizzy with the number of times I've diverged from the path...

I have laughed – and not in a nice way – at a drunk woman who squatted on the sidewalk, in a very short skirt, to rummage through her purse, her underwear glowing in the dark, her butt, inches from the pavement, a chubby white advertisement for sobriety.

I once told a beggar who tried to hug me “Touch me and I’ll scream”.

I have accused my husband, the long-suffering William Throckmorton the III, of undisclosed mental retardation after having been asked to repeat myself for the fifth time.

I have chased a rather large woman on a motorized scooter for three blocks before succumbing to asthma and bare-footed-ness.

This is kindness? This is humility? This is turning the other cheek?

Ah, well, the other cheek is still squatting on the sidewalk, I suspect, looking drunkenly for her wallet.

In short, ladies and gentlemen, I believe I have strayed from the path that Mother Teresa would have asked me to walk.

I have lost patience with the people who take more than they need, pretending that they don’t notice that they’ve done so.

I have lost respect for the people who don’t cop to their own culpability, who manipulate reality for their own ends and take others with them.

I have become intolerant of the people who add nothing but only take.

In short, I have discovered that I am more human than I had hoped for.



Yesterday was a sad and pensive day, and as usual, my thoughts affect my writing. I am grateful to still have my job; and to my friends who were laid off yesterday – and especially you, Lori B. – I will miss you and fervently hope for your happiness and economic stability.

41 comments:

mbuna53 said...

Good stuff Pearl.

We are all human. I'm sure we could all do less taking and more giving.

You give us your thoughts and words, please take my thanks in return.

See ya later kid.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

I think having a range of feelings and emotions is what being human is all about (I was also going to add sexual experiences, but I didn't want to destroy your pensive mood).

I'm glad you're job was saved.

darsden said...

You are so funny Pearl and have such a way with words. You to me are Saint Pearl!

I am sorry to hear about Lori, blessing to her in her quest!

St.Pearl, the way your posse' rallied around you yesterday... hummm, you'd have enough people to make your own movie, you being the star Of Course!

Something happens to people when they get those scooters St. Pearl. They get really rude and abusive, I have been noticing that for a while now. Hopefully you alley zen will continue to grow. :-)

Joanie said...

Welcome to the club, Pearl! And I, for one, hope you catch the fat ass woman on the scooter. Not sure what you'll do to her when you catch her, but I bet it'll be memorable!
I'm glad you still have your job too.

Susan said...

I'm guilty of all the things of which you have grown impatient as well as the undisclosed mental retardation. (I LOVE that paragraph). I am heartily sorry for these my offenses and hope you can forgive me. And I hope today feels better.

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
I think we have to try by pass the very human instinct of self preservation and having the primary thought of " How does this affect me ? " and look beyond it.

naperville mom said...

Mother Teresa? I'd not have believed it if you'd said this at a beauty pageant;) Loved the Re... You've arrived, Pearl:)

Frank said...

I once heard a monk say that on your last day, you finally figure it all out and that is what triggers your move to the next reality. Sounds like you are stuck here with the rest of us for awhile longer.

If that doesn’t help then remember this, most people are just bastard coated bastards with bastard filling. : )

Vic said...

I was that same kind of kid, Pearl. It's something of a shock to grow up and realize that not only is everyone around you human, and weak, but you are too. ("you" as in "me", actually :)
Having said that, I would SO have chased that scooter lady.

Ria~ said...

Though it’s true you may not be saint in the traditional sense of the word, there are some saintly things that can be derived from your actions. For example the mental picture of the drunken lady digging in her purse made me laugh and laugher is after all good for the soul.
Pointing out your husbands unidentified mental illness reassured the other readers that they were not the only one's with such problems.
I can't think of anything positive about chasing the lady on the scooter, but I’m sure someone was touched by that story as well.

You're a contemporary saint in my book!! And I’m really happy you still have a job.

DevilsHeaven said...

Amen, Sister. Amen.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Methinks Mother Teresa was on occasion a tad snippety and impatient.

Give the scooter lady a big hug when you catch her. She'll never darken your alley again.

derfina said...

Awww. Glad you made the cut, but sorry your friends all didn't. *smooches*

Brother Tobias said...

If you're talking bankers, I'm with you all the way. (Incidentally, I've heard Mother Theresa rode a motorized scooter).

Eskimo Bob said...

Pearl -

Nice post.

I almost fell for the false humility - a tactic I utilize frequently. The steel wool was nearly pulled over my eyes; you are not merely human - you my dear: are the hero to hearty flora - the defender of back alley's - the checker of coats - and the harbinger of laughter and amusement to many across the land.

Ann's Rants said...

Pearl, I hope you crack yourself up as much as you crack me up. "a chubby white advertisement for sobriety"

MuseSwings said...

I hope you enjoy writing as much as I enjoy reading this! Hilarious. I think you are describing me from several years ago. Tolerance comes back as you age. It keep circling around. Like meteorites. I'm in a tolerant phase. Or maybe it means I just don't give a flying....or it could be drug induced.

Just what the Dr. ordered: A bloggy adventure awaits! Pack your bags and meet us at the train station in Paris!

Mary Moore said...

I'm with you on this, baby.

Glad you're still working. It's sad for the others...very traumatic stuff when people lose their jobs.

Take care.

Douglas said...

I'm a cynic. I strongly suspect that Mother Teresa had a personal, selfish, motive for her good deeds. Most likely are sainthood and heavenly rewards. That her selfish motivation resulted in helping those much less fortunate does not alter that. You can guess I am also not a believer in altruism.

Do not despair. You are human, a gifted and talented one to be sure, but still human.

I am guessing, however, that the drunken woman wasn't a reflection in a store window?

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

We need real honest people in this world too, Pearl! I'm glad to say that you are one of them!

Pearl said...

Mbuna, aww, mbuna that’s very sweet.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life, You’re right, of course; and thanks!

Darsden, Scooter dementia! MAN but those things can go fast! I wonder if there are sidewalk/scooter/motorized wheelchair rules/laws… I mean, I appreciate the fact that the guy this morning was in a wheelchair, but I came THIS CLOSE to a pretty serious local-woman-assaulted-by-wheelchair-bound-hooligan incident this morning!

Joanie, I’m glad to still have my job, too! When I catch Scooter, I’m gonna give her a BIG hug, tell her I love her, and follow her around long enough that she decides she never wants to come down my alley again!

Susan, you are forgiven. Now go away and sin no more. :-)

Barbara, one thing for which I am grateful is the fact that I am calming down and thinking more clearly, as I did as a child.

Naperville Mom, no one suspects that I’m actually quite sincere! And thank you!

Frank! I loved your response and will probably work your Bastard Theory into casual conversation at some point soon. That was fabulous.

Vic, if only we could chase her together! I’ll bet she could not withstand our combined efforts! And THEN? We dance!!

Ria, thank you. You are very kind. I would like to be a saint, if only to see someone wearing a little necklace of me.

DevilsHeaven, right on!

J’Ollie Primitives, we are on the same page. Like I said, I will follow her, give her a big ol’ hug and then follow her around until she decides that she never wants to run into me again.

Derfina, thank you! Cyber-smooch!

Brother Tobias, did she now? This changes everything.

Eskimo Bob, I saw the masks on your site. I think I need one. Wonder if I can work up a Defender of the Alley mask…

Ann, sometimes, I DO crack me up! I know that as a teenager especially my mother would walk in on me laughing at something I’d thought of… Sometimes, I really do feel that there are at least two of me in my head: one telling jokes and the other hoping to laugh.

MuseSwings, well I am glad to hear that tolerance will be swinging its way around again! Could it show up by tomorrow morning?! (That’s right – I’m demanding patience RIGHT NOW! Ha ha ) As for Paris train stations, that sounds so wonderful right now…

Mary Moore, it’s been hard today. 64 people let go – and some of them never saw it coming.

Douglas, I’ll have you know I’m a happy drinker, a thoughtful drinker, a drinker prone to singing karaoke and dancing like a crazy person but squatting in public to rummage through a purse? Never. My mother would positively SWOON.

Pearl said...

Roshni, thank you for saying that. I believe that every day we struggle with good and bad and that every day we make choices that incorporate both...

Steve said...

Don't give up so soon. Meekness does not equal holiness in my (unhumble) opinion! Sometimes the side of righteousness needs a people with kick-ass-ability!

Pearl said...

Steve, since kick-ass seems to be my default setting, I doubt it will go away entirely!

scarlet-blue said...

Yep, this is a dark week for people being laid off.
My thoughts are with you.
Sx

Pearl said...

Scarlet Blue, thank you!

Red Squirrel said...

(Grrrr, blogger ate my comment)

Sorry to hear that work has been a bit shite recently :(

Though I've always found that to be human is to be flawed, so embrace those flaws, keep up the fitness and give scooter-lady the fright of her life next time...

Beth said...

Why, you sound like a nun I used to know. Are you sure you didn't take some sacred vows?

fingers said...

That's it !!!
I'm taking down the little St Pearl icon I've had sitting on the dashboard...

darsden said...

fingers-touch that St. Pearl Statue and I'll break your...well your fingers...LOL ;-)

♥ Braja said...

There are many reasons I am drawn to you Pearl, and your genuine, soft heart is one of them. Your honesty is brave and what it speaks of is something shared by us all...I love hearing this voice of yours and hope to hear more...

BTW, I scream at beggars too...but when it's at least once a week and sometimes they have leprosy, is that ok??

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Q...

As we age we become more patient and less tolerant. This is paradoxical, I know. It does, however, explain our short term insanity. The cure for it is a sense of humor. You are enriched in that! :)

Glad your job was spared...I was worried for you. Sorry for Lori B. Send her my best wishes from Idaho.

Pearl said...

Red Squirrel, it’s a scary world out there, my bushy-tailed friend.

Beth, I may have uttered some vows somewhere, but I doubt any of them were sacred.

Fingers, do you have the hula-skirt dashboard statue or the one with the barometer in the belly?

Darsden, shall we bring Fingers back to the Mole Hole?

Braja, my dear, we’re fresh out of leprous beggars in Minneapolis, but there are quite a few that “just need a couple dollars for the bus”.
And thank you for the compliment. Monday was an introspective and helpless kind of day.

Sweet Cheeks, I certainly will let Lori know that she has a well-wisher in Idaho. That’s very nice of you.

Lori Anderson Designs said...

This was an awesome post. You do have a way with words!!!!

Sassy Sundry said...

I think it's better to be human than to be a saint.

Pearl said...

Lori, thank you!

Sassy, oh, I don't want to be a saint NOW necessarily. :-) But I would have liked to perhaps be named one after my death, like the patron saint of songs stuck in your head or of clumping cat litter.

Lisa said...

heres to humanity Pearl.
long live real and authenitc people like you xx

Michelle said...

Being human, well is just the way we are dear Pearly-Q

First glad you have your job still!!!

Second, Mother Teresa got nothing on you dear one!!!

HAPPY DAY TO YOU!!!

Jeanne said...

Glad you made it through -- survivor guilt is a bitch, isn't it?

Pearl said...

Lisa, and here's to you (insert the drink of your choice here). :-)

Michelle, I'm glad I still have a job too!

Jeanne, yes, and the "survivors" around here are beginning to feel that...

♥ Braja said...

Then I love you when you're introspective and helpless too :)