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Saturday, March 21, 2009

Help! I’ve Been Sequestered!

Hey! I’m over here! Over here! In the house – no! Look up! You see up here? Second floor? I’m stuck up heer! Help! Help! No! Up here!!!

Ohhh. They’re gone.


I’ve not left the house since Tuesday, my head packed full of toxic goop, my throat lined with sandpaper, my touch-and-go ability to organize my thoughts reserved for the blog and to successfully navigate my way from my bed to the bathroom and back.


I’ve put on make-up today, for the first time since Tuesday, and it makes me feel better.

It’s funny, spending a lot of time by alone. When you’ve been grounded by illness and the rest of the world is at work, what do you do? Like a woman in physical therapy, I’m working on keeping what I have, using my observational skills to recreate the world outside.

Here’s what I’ve noticed:

  • I have upset the cats’ schedules. Both Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) and Dolly Gee Squeaker (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) have been checking the calendar, checking their little wristwatches, wondering why I’m here. (This does not stop them, of course, from parking their fuzzy little butts on my couch-bound body.)
  • There is nothing I want to eat in the fridge, even if I did have an appetite. A pudding of some sort sounds nice, but I don’t trust this milk…
  • I brought an eggbeater into the bathtub the other day, remembering a conversation regarding bubblebaths that Derfina and I had had months back. I looked only half-heartedly for the food coloring (thinking blue or green would be fun in the tub) but gave up easily. The bubbles, however, were worth the effort.
  • The shows on TV during the day may have lowered my IQ. I can no longer spell lackadaz – lakadaisi – lackdaisac – laid-back. I think my branes have been roont.
  • And speaking of roont branes, I am bored, bored, bored. And you know what sounds really good me right now? A margarita.

Fat chance.


If you’re out and about today? Look up and give a shut-in a wave, would ya?


mbuna53 said...

Yo Pearl!

What's happening up there?

If you are still bored, go to the BBC website and listen to some of there comedy shows on BBC 4. I bet you would enjoy "Just A Minute". It might help bring your IQ up to normal levels.

Get better. I'm off for Indian food in Chicago later this evening.


underOvr (aka The U) said...

Good morning Pearl,

I'm sorry to hear you're still under the weather. Get the folks in the Land of Lakes to give you some TLC.

I totally get what you mean about the boredom and TV lowering your IQ.

You get well soon, please.


Susan said...

If I were closer I'd bring you some of my famous margarita pudding. Sorry you're so miserable...try watching sleepwalking dogs on youtube. It's less damaging to your IQ than daytime tv. Feel better soon.

derfina said...

Go ahead and have the margarita...the alcohol will KEEL all those pesky germs.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Yo Pearl! Glad you're feeling a tad better. I actually can't relate to you at all because I LOVE being quarantined and left alone for days.

IB said...

I'll do ya one better: When I'm out today, I'll stop by the Mexican restaurant in town and have 2 Margaritas: one for me and one for you.

That's how I roll

Seriously, feel better, pal


The Jules said...

Sounds like man-flu to me. I think you should call an ambulance, but get them to go straight to the ITU rather than A&E.

They'll understand.

Douglas said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
powdergirl said...

Hi Pearl,
I've been following you for a little while now and thought I'd come out of lurk mode today to say Get Well Soon.
You're even funny when you're ill !
I have heard that margaritas are crammed with
C vitamines...
Great blog : )

The Retired One said...

Look deep into your used kleenex....I hear one CAN blow their brains out....
I am not suggesting that you retrive them there, (because, face it, that would just be plain GROSS!) but I am just sayin'.......
Don't worry though. Because of the (erm).."frequent" imbibing that you do, your familiar-with-alcohol brain cells have learned to quickly regenerate.
Get well soon, Pearl...we miss hearing about your escapades.
You will be bright as usual in a few days!!

ladyfi said...

LOL! Sounds to me like you're on the mend... roont branes or not!

Sandi said...

Hang in there Pearl! You won't be stuck forever, and when you are back in the rat race, you will wish you enjoyed your downtime/boredom more than you did.

Stephen Rader said...

Feel better soon, sweetie. Sounds like you have what I had last week and it's horrible.

One thing though - - when I bring an eggbeater into the bathtub with me, I use it for something other than making bubbles. I'm not sayin', I'm just sayin'... :)

Sending you good energy!

Jodie Kash said...

Chug some limeade, salt the rim if you like. Get your VitC and imaginate a marg.

...have you noticed most of the commercials on daytime TV are for Grade 13 college and personal injury lawyers?

Douglas said...

I guess this proves that if you don't have your health, you have nothing. Still, your wit and writing talent seem unaffected. I would like to know where "heer" is, though.

Get well soon!

(Original trashcanned because I can't proofread either)

lisa said...

It's funny....you wish for these kind of days when you're in the rat race, and then when you can have them, they're rarely what you want them to be.

I vote for a jug of margaritas to keep your spirits up.

Sweet Cheeks said...


Look out the window...do you see me? I'm waving from across the street. I'm dancing the Macerana, dressed in the margarita suit!

There you are...Hi!

Do you like my hat? It's a lime.

I would only look this ridiculous for you sister.

Cheeky Kisses to feel better!

Madame DeFarge said...

You poor wee soul. Going stir crazy is never fun. You need a 'Rear Window' diversion, but I'm not sure if the cats fit the bill.

Hope you return to tip top health soon.

Prefers Her Fantasy Life said...

Seems like the perfect time for a Sopranos marathon.

Hope you feel better.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Icky, it's no fun being sick. You should watch a medical drama, that'd bring up the IQ, you could pick up some way-cool lingo and face it, the injured on the show have got to be in worse shape.
That might make you feel better. I highly recommend House, the weird stuff on there always makes me feel better. (so does watching Hugh Laurie but whatever works for you).

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

rupunzel rupenzel let down your hair or tissue! whichever you can grab!

darsden said...

Alrighty well evidentially somebody has to step up to the plate and take charge...

Pearl, get off the damn couch, dust yourself off and get back in the game! LOL, you been pulling this sick crap for almost a week now. Enough! (ya know I luv ya enough to tell ya the truth) beside I am so tried of riding the bus by myself. I don't have anybody to point and talk about too.

Okay, go to the doctor, you must need some stronger meds if it has not turned loose yet...

Yep, that's my tuff love for ya.

Hope you feel better, like right now! :-)

Michelle said...


Don't you see me?? I am even running, no walking by and still no wave back!!!


FEEL GOOD!!! Lets go drinking. Lets go eating!!!

Not The Rockefellers said...

Pearl put your hand on the screen and feel my energy. Feel them corpusles a'puslin'. Rise up girl and heal...

I'd freak if that actually worked.

Peace - Rene

Smart Mouth Broad said...

Glad you're feeling good enough to put on your make-up. I want to be sure to recognize you when I drive by and wave.

lizspin said...

A thirst for a margarita is a sure sign that you're getting better!

Eskimo Bob said...

Pearl - I empathize with the boredom and the mind eating afternoon television.

I do hope you feel better - look at it this way, you could be on vacation and sick, now that would really be a waste.

Lisa said...

oh pearl- you have encapsualted it perfectly
your brane may not be woorking but your blogger is.........
get well sister xx

Beth said...

First of all, sequester is my favorite word!

And I'm glad you feel better. You do feel better, right?

And daytime TV is scary. Unless you can find a Law and Order marathon (not the Criminal Intent but the Regular or the SVU). Law and Order raises IQ levels. Scientifically proven.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

uh oh! You're still down.... hope you get better soon...here, I can pack some chilli margarita and send it over to you...that should blast the germs to outer space!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Just don't try the eggbeater-bathtub trick with an electric hand mixer, ok?

So sorry you're sick just when I've found you. I was the other kid sitting next to the teacher's desk before she figured out that she didn't have to keep me in the room at all as long as there was an Assistant Principal.

Feel better soon!

Scrappy Doo said...

Hope ya get to feeling better!
Great post. I think that is a sign of recovery!

Jeanne said...

You went out on St. Paddy's and you've been off work ever since -- I think you turned Irish!

*mary* said...

I hope you feel better! Mmm, margarita. Yumz.
Also- if you just knew how cute the cold virus and his friends really are, at least in plush form, you would feel better. (Confused? Refer to my latest blog post.)

SweetPeaSurry said...

What's the deal with the Egg beater in the bathtub? I'm confuzzled by this!

SweetPeaSurry said...

get well soon chica!

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
Sorry to pass on the dreaded lurgi. It must be very insidious
to negotiate cyber space. I have been slightly afflicted but am now recovered. R is still in the throes and dragging out the suffering (?)I think that it's time to brew a repulsive,nasty tasting concoction that will prove to promote instant recovery.
Hope you are soon feeling better !

Pearl said...

Mbuna, hope you are enjoying Chicago. It’s Sunday now, and I’m about 75% of normal…

U, well the good news is that I’ve not had a cig since Tuesday, so perhaps I’ve quit for good this time!

Susan, I just heard about the sleepwalking dog! Funny you should bring that up…

Derfina, stil haven’t had my margarita. I think I will save it for the coming weekend, as I believe I can talk Big Will into Mexican food…

Mary, I enjoy my alone-time, too, but only when strong enough to get things done. The whole alone-and-sickly thing is BORING.

IB, thank you! You got the salt on the rim, right? Because it’s not the same without the salt on the rim.

The Jules, I’m willing to try anything at this point.

Powdergirl, hey! Glad to hear from a lurker!! Honestly, is there anything a margarita DOESN’T cure?

Retired One, I’m starting to come out of it, but this whole sick-for-days thing is ridiculous and I shan’t be doing it again!

Ladyfi, ya like that? I actually gave a little chuckle when I typed “roont branes”.

Sandi, oh, you got that right. I know I will wish that I’d tried to clean out a closet or something…

Stephen, another use for an eggbeater! We should discuss this someday, preferably over margaritas…

Jodie, the commercials during the day all want me to go to school to become a veterinary or medical assistant. It’s as depressing as the shows that satellite solely around paternity-test results.

Douglas, I noticed that there are a couple of errors in that post! I left them, primarily because I couldn’t be bothered to sit up long enough to fix them. “Heer” indeed. How did that get through?!

Lisa, a pitcher of margaritas, rimmed with salt and brought to my couch by a mocha-skinned man with a twinkle in his eye.

Sweet Cheeks, awww you are so sweet! I love your outfit!!

Madame DeFarge, thank you! And yes, a diversion outside of the usual suspects on TV wondering who fathered their children would’ve been welcomed!

Prefers Her Fantasy Life, I watched quite a bit of AbFab and a lot of “Forensic Files”. You know, I’ve not seen one episode of the Sopranos, but that would’ve been a good one, too…

Blogging Mama Andrea, it’s Sunday now, and other than a slightly croup-y sounding cough, I’m damn-near normal!

Mouthy Irish Woman, I’ll be at the window!

Darsden, that’s exactly what I did yesterday afternoon! Went out to a thrift store, got some books, visited a friend and sat in the sun! Would you believe I’m actually looking forward to going to work tomorrow?
I appreciate the tough love, sweetie!

Michelle, is that you, running through the park?! I can feel the love!

Rene, my corpuscles are puslin’ and I can WALK AGAIN!

Smart Mouth Broad, shoot, even just adding the lipstick made me feel healthier. Something about being this pasty shade (which, honestly, is natural) makes me FEEL sick, but a little blush, a little lipstick? Looka me! I’m healthy!!

Lizspin, I’se on the mend, baby!

Eskimo Bob, I agree 100%. At least I was home for this mess and not somewhere I paid to be…

Lisa, thank you! I’ll be back at work Monday and I can’t wait to be “normal” again.

Beth, I do feel better, yes! And I cannot wait to be back amongst the peoples…

Roshni, have received the margaritas and drank them right there on the porch. Now THAT will cure what ails ya!

Heartinsanfrancisco, oh, I remember you. We used to pass notes, didn’t we?!

Scrappy Doo, thank you! Yeah, I’m feeling better, and I can’t wait to rejoin civilization.

Jeanne, that’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day! Thank you!

*mary*, I’ll be right there!

SweetPeaSurry, the eggbeater is just to make bubbles. Add a little dish detergent and sit in the tub with your eggbeater. Wheeee! That’s just good ol’ fashioned fun. Especially if you’re sick and don’t have great expectations!

Barbara, that’s a great idea. Something hot and distasteful, perhaps required to be taken every couple of hours until better?
I think I feel healthier already!