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Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The Ground Floor of My Fabulous New Empire

After being down for the count for what seemed like years and having been only recently fortified with a “z-pack” (antibiotics), as my medically knowledgeable friends call it, I am now free to move about with the relatively secure information that I shall rise above this funk and be well.

The wheezing you hear above the sound of my surprisingly percussive typing?

Bronchitis.

The good news is, I am now free to go to yoga.

The bad news is, I am now free to go to yoga.

For a solid week now, I’ve done nothing but sleep, bathe, test the limits of my afternoon-television-broadcast thresholds, and mutter fairly coherently about “good” and “bad” chocolate.

But now, with the addition of drugs to the scene – you’ve only to click here to see from whence I get my too-casual relationship with doctors – I feel I’m suddenly back.

Yes, back. Sweating and trembling and feeling all kinds of flabby.

I’ve decided, in that endearing and haphazard way that I have, that I am the new contestant on “Have You Always Been Like That?”

Previously only played in my head, “Have You Always Been Like That?” is an excitingly lukewarm game show in which I try not to become winded changing into my yoga pants while the teen-age fetuses around me make snide comments about cellulite.

I then go on, through my dogged persistence and those bizarre grunting noises I make whenever I fall out of a headstand, to become the audience favorite, the one they root for as other contestants lap me on the football field whilst shouting rude things regarding what induces ones buttocks to shake like two puppies in a gunnysack…

Like I say, it plays out very well in my head.

23 comments:

mbuna53 said...

Go Pearl Go!!! You can do it!

I'll be back to yoga class on Wednesday after a week off in Chicago eating to much and not doing yoga. I did walk a bit, but no twisting or folding. I just hope Jessie is not planning on doing a lot of horse pose on Wednesday.

The Retired One said...

Some of the sweating and trembling is from your illness, some may be from nicotine withdrawal.
Expect to feel like crap for a little while longer, while both toxins leave your body!
I'm rooting for ya, Pearl!!

darsden said...

Glad to hear you are almost back to "normal" Continue on the road to full recovery :-)

DevilsHeaven said...

Wow, I can't believe you are going back already. I've had the big bad "B" before and I think you may want hold off on the yoga. Your body still hasn't fully healed and you may end up regretting trying to do any downward dog pose without full capacity of your lungs, cause you may end up doing a downward face plant instead. Just sayin.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I'd hold out another day or so. Didn't someone say Why exercise today when you can exercise tomorrow? Something like that anyway.

Jodie Kash said...

Thing what sucks about exercise (and I am a true convert…I believe in the gym and the sweat and the sore) is that going just one day without and I feel a flabby mess, as if the belly skin is no longer a part of me but has a life of it’s own. That dopamine is a drug, man. And the only way to get the fix is back on the bike or the mat. Dammit.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Ah, the z-pack. Azithromycin, I heart you almost as much as Pearl's blog!

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Are you sure you're ready for that yet? You should take some more rest..seriously.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

"Run Pearl, Run!"

I can see you (ala Forrest Gump-like) lapping all of them.

Glad you're feeling better Pearl.

U

Michelle said...

Ok just the fact that you can do a headstand is very impressive!!

I cannot. Do a headstand. Yeah and why would I want to?? It is scary upside down!!

YOU ROCK i am glad you feel better Pearly-Q!!

Eskimo Bob said...

Jeez Louise - that there is some funny perspective. Have you always been like that? - great.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Oh Pearl...At least you didn't fart whilst doing that headstand.

Hah! I used fart and whilst in the same sentence. Ain't I the lady?

(picks teeth with matchbook)

Oh wait, that's my Mom's Native American name.

You'll get through it Pearl.

Peace - Rene

Janie at Sounding Forth said...

Girl.

You are so far ahead of me. I wheeze THINKING about putting yoga pants on.

Just saying.

Magpie said...

Yeah, well. Feel better. And, have you always been like this?

Tami said...

I just started doing a yoga DVD tonight and it had NO headstands in it. Thank GOD. I think I'd give up yoga fast.

Possibly a yoga class will be a bit more beneficial to me...

For more on that topic...read my blog...because I actually did....blog, that is.

Lilly said...

glad you are getting better Pearl. I have to say I admire you for doing all the yoga you have to date, I think I would get puffed out just putting on the yoga pants. Show those teen-age fetuses a thing or two will you. After a couple of sessions you will be back to your best.

Suldog said...

Love the game show in the head. I think I'll make myself the emcee for my own regional version.

Suldog said...

By the way, I am in awe of the fact that we both have the same question given us in our profile sections, and that we both more-or-less gave the same answer. We are either both geniuses or dullards. I see us as the former, but that may be because I'm the latter.

Pearl said...

Mbuna, my yoga plans are back on hold. The air in Mpls is, with the change back to winter, almost too thick to breathe, not to mention that it appears I now have an ear infection as well.
Heavy sigh.

Retired One, I need all the rooting I can get! Thank you!

Darsden, we are using “normal” in its broadest possible sense, yes? Right now, it’s Wednesday morning, still no cigarette. Go, me! Hey – if I take a road trip to your neck of the woods, we’ll go out for margaritas, yes?

DevilsHeaven, you’re right. I’m going to wait a bit. Like I told mbuna above, my lungs are still mad at me, and with all the sinus pressure and whatnot, maybe “upside down” isn’t good right now…

Blogging Mama Andrea, if someone hasn’t said it yet, it certainly needs saying! I’ll wait!!

Jodie, I know! Isn’t that strange? A convert myself, exercise has never been my thing. But in the last two years, I don’t feel right without it…

iNDefatigable, I haven’t been on antibiotics since the very early 80s. Had no idea about the “z-pack” and how few pills you have to take nowadays. :) Next you’ll be telling me we’re not using leaches any more for balancing the humors!

Roshni, yes, I’ve decided that I should wait. Yoga will still be there in a few days!

U, thank you! And I just LOVE the idea of someone (you!) yelling, “Run, Forrest! Run!” at me.
I admired his singleness of purpose, btw. There’s something to be said for nothing thinking about something too much, just doing it…

Michelle, I thank you! Will be back to myself in no time!

Eskimo Bob, I swear I have always been like this. I think you know, but I grew up moving, continually moving, and so my ability to amuse myself is well-honed.

Rene, I laughed when I read that, O Daughter of Farts Whilst in Headstand.
And yes, I consider us BOTH ladies. *scratches self with pencil*

Janie, one of my favorite things about yoga pants is how cheap they are at garage sales. Lots of people buy them, few people use them!

Magpie, like this? Like making stuff up? Yes. :- )

Tami! How are you? I’ve stopped by you a number of times but I think you’ve been busy! And yes, a class is lovely. I’m a big proponent of the vinyasa (flow) classes. More movement, less holding. I’ll stop by soon!

Lilly, thank you for the kind words. I’m going to put off going for a couple days – at the advice of some bloggy friends and my husband, who is tired of not sleeping through the night due to my coughing. I have missed yoga, though, and know that my first two-three classes will be difficult just from a perseverance standpoint. I will have to play the game show in my head just so I don’t give up, not to mention the good attitude I’ll have to maintain for the post-game interview in the locker room. :- )

Suldog, I’m serious! It works! Personally, sometimes I’m the emcee and sometimes I’m the contestant. I’m more apt not to give up that way, because I don’t want the “audience” – and aren’t we all our own audiences? – to perceive me as not being serious about my goal or not being a teamplayer. Sure it’s weird, but it sure makes things more interesting!
Glad to see you, btw. And it IS kinda weird that we have the same answer. I’m sure it’s because we are both undiscovered geniuses – ooh, wait. Is that something a genius would say? Hmm. More to think about!

Aria said...

You got bronchitis because you quit smoking. Happens to me and my ex-husband every time we've ever quit... it's like the nicotine forces that are left in the lungs dig in like comandos and try to take out the fresh air by any means necessary. And as far as the yoga, ummm I only know what it looks like. My center is as tight as fresh bread. And I'm glad to know I'm not the only one that has ridicule-scenarios played out inside their heads... Yay for Us ~ The Functional Closet Paranoids of the world!

darsden said...

Pearl, not only will we go for margies...but, if you make it down to this part of the woods. I will set you and yours up in the fabulous "Mole Hole Motel" so free room and board! Gives me a great excuse to stay in the big house :-) Ya know the casino line the coastline ;-)

citizen of the world said...

I hate exercising around fetuses. They're so slimy.

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

"what induces ones buttocks to shake like two puppies in a gunnysack…" I snorted coffee out of my nose!
Trip one of the fetuses for me.