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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Today’s Message? The Stars Are Ridin’ The Bus, Baby!

I’m sorry to keep dragging you back on to the bus like this, but if you’re going to keep hanging around?

Then I’m going to keep dragging you back. Hey – if I have to ride the bus, so do you.

And if you keep squirming like that? You’re going to get a firm swat.

But not you. I get the feeling that would not be a punishment for you… I saw the look in your eye at the mention of a swatting! Man! I’d never noticed that before, but you’re kind of a pervert, aren’t you?

I’m sorry – what was I blathering on about again? Oh, yes.


SO! After more than a week of not being on the bus, I’m looking at it with fresh eyes. And guess what?

It’s just as weird as it was with the old eyes.

A new lip-syncher has made his way on to the bus, an old-style-pro-wrestler-looking dude in his mid-50s.

You know the kind – shaved head, thick neck, looks like he might have a velvet cape somewhere in his closet?

There he is, fingers a’poppin’, his be-booted foot keeping spastic time with whatever is on his headphones. Seriously, how could anything be in that time signature? I watch his feet, trying to catch the beat. I watch the fingers of his right hand as he plucks at the string of his imaginary bass.

Or could it be an imaginary banjo?

Remember back in the day, when you thought that by the time you reached the age of, oh, 54 or so, that you would acquire some dignity?

Oh, how I wish the woman with the Serious Headphones was here. If I could get both of them in one little cell-phone video, I would risk the disapproving glare of, well, someone, I’m sure.

(Minnesotans are known for their pursed-lip shows of disapproval. Most of us won’t actually say anything, but we’ll openly frown on you! Oh, yes we will!)

Anyway, the lesson I got from this morning’s bus ride?

Today’s message is that you’re never too old to enjoy a hard-rockin’, Live-and-In-Concert, on-the-bus-in-rush-hour fantasy of drivin’ the wimmins wild with your crazy lead-banjo self.

And if you need proof, he’s riding the 17.

27 comments:

darsden said...

Oh, I have missed you on the bus Pearl. Sitting here
"all by myself" that sounds like another sappy song. All that I am goes to a different beat too Pearl, so I would totally confuse you watching all of this!

I have been busted with my open display of disapproval. I tend to shake my head in disbelief Right at Them...they know. Hey, maybe I am your long lost sister from Minnesota now that I think about it. (I know I was adopted-this really can't be my family here) ;-)

Braja said...

Someone's ridin' the short bus....

And it ain't you sugar :)

Not The Rockefellers said...

You are going to have to get together an "air jam band"

Groove on, Magic Bus!

Peace - Rene

Bevie said...

Hello. I got there through Ms. Sparrow's blog. She has a link to you on her sidebar.

Riding the bus in Minneapolis? Haven't done that in years. Don't miss it at all. I used to the ride the 6, I think it was. Downtown up to Mounds View anyway. And waiting for the bus on 8th and Hennepin after 9 p.m. was fun. That was back in the early 80s.

Like I said, it's been awhile since I rode the bus. But my memories of the experience tell me to offer you my condolences.

Bevie

naperville mom said...

Suddenly a bus ride seems like the bus ride. Way to go, girl!

Pearl said...

darsden, the Silent Show of Disapproval is a Big Deal up here, especially in smaller towns.
Come home to Minnesota, dar!

Braja, I worry about these people – and then I worry about me because they fascinate me so…

Rene, you are on to something there. My husband’s been known to play air-anything at any time, anywhere. HA! Wait ‘til they get a load of me on air drums. I STINK!!!

Bevie, Hennepin is still a whole lot of freak show after dark, but that doesn’t come up for me – I’m on the bus and on my way home by 5:00, I guarantee it!

naperville mom, the bus ride. These are my people!

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Q...I think you couldn't identify the song he was air jamming to on his pretend banjo, because it was actually that John Denver tune...'Country Roads'...remember that?...how sad. You should definitely purse you lips at him and remind him that it's polite to share his music with everybody on the bus...
:)

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

I remember riding on the bus for about 3-4 months in San Diego.... my goodness! Such weirdos in every ride! Glad I got some wheels after that!

Kavi said...

The world they said was an oyster. And by an oyster, they must have meant 'bus'!!

:)

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Crap, you caught me. Guilty as charged.

Also...now when I read your blog, I have that Violent Femmes song playing in my head. "Hey Mr. Busman, don't be slow, I've got somewhere I gotta go. Hey Mr. Driverman, drive that thing fast!" I can't remember the rest of the lyrics.

Frank said...

First, if the left hand is high, and the instrument seems more vertical, he is playing a bass. If it is lower and more horizontal, it is an acoustic guitar or a banjo. If it goes up and down a lot… it is a Fender Guitar and he’s a rockin.

Second, I was in Mendota Heights a couple of months ago on business, and every Minnesotan I met was extremely outgoing and friendly. The punk rocker (skunk strip hair and all) at the gas mart by Chili’s was down right ready to take me home.

Steve said...

I live in fear of lipsynching to my headphones. Or worse. Singing out loud. I even have a fear of pulling unconscious facial expressions. Poker face. That's the one for me. I bet when I'm old I suffer from muscular turettes...

Vic said...

When Minnesotans frown, do they also do the disapproving "Hmmph"? It's a matter of style, I guess, and also the impatient toe tap, like you Don't Have Time For This Nonsense. (Can you tell I got this a lot from people when I was a kid?)

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks, it is one of my regrettable talents that I know – somehow! – many many John Denver tunes. If only he would share his love of music with the world, we could’ve had a sing-along on the bus!

Roshni, I used to drive to work, but for all my complaining, I do love the bus. Where else can I sit and observe all these oddly wonderful people? Except for the ones that smell. They are not wonderful.

Kavi, the world IS the bus. We all travel together – and some of us are even facing the same direction!

iNDefatigable, he’s gotta drive that thing fast because “my precious time keeps slippin’ past”! Thanks for the memories!!

Frank, unfortunately, it was just the guy’s right hand – where WAS his left hand, anyway?! – so I’m going to go with electric bass.
And I’m glad you had a pleasant experience in Minnesota. I find most Minnesotans to be smiley people, but I’ve heard otherwise by visitors, so I’m happy that at least one visitor saw what I have seen!

Pearl said...

Steve, I know the feeling. On my own, I can get into some righteous grooves and have been known to entertain casts of thousands in my fantasy life. Some day, I'll forget where I am and belt it out on the bus...

Vic, we frown, purse our lips and shake our heads ever so slightly. :-) There may be a "hmmmph" in there as well. Just enough quiet judgment as to show our displeasure but not enought to "cause a scene" or stand out. We don't do that sort of thing. It's unseemly. :-)

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

rock fingers...pumping in the air sister!

Michelle said...

Pearly-Q I wanna ride the bus!!!

WITH YOU!!!

Douglas said...

This is why I do not partake of public transportation (not that we have any in this town).

I do have a suggestion, though. Pearl, you get yourself an MP3 of,oh Beethoven's 9th and a little wand. Then you get on that bus and start conducting.

Pearl said...

Mouthy Irish Woman, I like that. I really should give one of those guys “the horns”. WOOoOOOoOOOOo!

Michelle, rush hour would never be the same!

Ah, Douglas, it’s good fun, not to mention that it makes me feel very, very normal.
(I like the conductor aspect! Adds a new twist to the public displays of musicality…

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Pearl, thank you. I remembered the next line when I walked out into the lab, but by that time, it was too late. I couldn't come back and say "Oh, hey, I just magically remembered the next line." You all would have thought I just googled it.

And thanks for keeping up my fantasy of the awesome aura that surrounds you by knowing which Femmes song I was referencing.

Blicky Kitty said...

In Rhode Island we have the fleeting grimace followed by the swift, downward glance. I guess it's less straightforward than the frown, but it has the effect of transmitting social shame instantly.

Chaka said...

I don't want to sound like I'm talking down to the transportationally challenged (bus riders), but that is why I try to avoid the bus. The only think more embarrassing than grown men playing air guitar are those that play the drums.

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

"the world is the bus"....hehehe!! Now you reminded me of my own post about Kolkata buses!! Sorry, this is not meant to be an ad for my blog or something but thought you would enjoy it and compare notes with your bus!!

Lisa said...

I hate buses nd avoid them liek the plague xx

Lisa said...

of course i meant LIKE the plague- to lick the plague would only give us more plague........smooch xx

Sassy Sundry said...

I could introduce you to a few more characters. We're not nearly so polite in Boston.

Ann's Rants said...

be-booted foot...oh its those details I love about your writing. Those awesome pearlisms. loved this one.