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Saturday, February 28, 2009

Maybe You Just Gotta Keep Trying

How many times has this happened to you?

You’re looking for a word. You know you know the word – it’s right there on the tip of your tongue! Now if you could just get it out into the real world…

“What’s that other name for embalming fluid?”

“What? Methanal?”

“The other one.”

“Uhhh… Ffffff – um – fffff – fffff – fffformmmmmm – formaldyhyde!”

“That’s it!”

I like how that works. Wouldn’t it be nice if it worked on other things?

Say I needed five bucks but I only had one. If I waved a one dollar bill around long enough, what are the odds of it eventually becoming five?

Yeah, I know. The odds are not good.

But hey! Maybe that’s how that toilet paper thing works. You’ve heard the joke, right?, that rubbing toilet paper on your chest will increase your bust size because, after all, you’ve been rubbing it on your butt all these years and look how big that’s gotten?

Yeah, I’m a little distracted today!

Anyway, tonight is the annual SNOball at The Ritz Theater, a neighborhood gala, a dress-up event with a live auction, bands, drinks, food, and people who have sickened of winter to the point of being willing to wear cocktail dresses and high heels, the cold be damned. Willie and I – followed later in the night by Kathy and I – are working the door, taking coats, answering questions, and, with any luck, getting free drinks from the bar.

A gal's gotta try!

At least once, anyway.

28 comments:

Irish Gumbo said...

Uh, oh. I better stop rubbing my chest with toilet paper....:)

Focus, dear, focus! You'll be okay!

And I must say (re: your last post) i really dig your music selections. Gotta like a gal who like Morphine...'Thursday' afternoon pool, madam? :)

Braja said...

I think someone has been at the free bar already....

That Baldy Fella said...

It's got to be worth a try. I'm waving a fiver in the air as I type....

I look a bit silly now.

And I still only have a fiver.

Ah well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Mary Moore said...

I agree with Braja. You're starting early!

Never heard of the toilet paper trick, but I don't think you're ever too old to try. Right?

darsden said...

Have fun Pearl and please take some pictures! I'll give you 5 bucks Pearl ;-)

IB said...

Are there any 5 words in the English language that go together better than, "free drinks from the bar"?

MuseSwings said...

Well....I've been rubbing the wrong end all this time. Your dollar bill thing is brilliant. I'm going to work on that this afternoon and see if I can shake up a couple of fivers.

I just LOVE your blog name by the way.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Have fun tonight Pearly Q! Enjoy some music and drink....and make up some good code names for those people...

Wishing I was you this weekend. I'll be shaving my cat's ass...damn it. It must be done.
:)

Jess said...

Skankopotomous. I was trying to think of that word for like 20 minutes the other day. It is a new one to add to gutter slut, douchenozzle, jankem mouth...and the rest of our rediculous collection of non-sensical hilarity.

Frank said...

I have waived bills around and had them turn into a margarita delivered by some sweet young thing in a toga!!! Course I was in Caesars’ Palace in Vegas. I tried doing the same thing in my living room and the fiver just got all bendy.

Douglas said...

Wave a bill of any denomination around in my house and it just disappears... never to be replaced.

And I hope that toilet paper is, um, fresh.

Jeanne said...

For some reason, I have problems with "flourescent" -- I say "light in a tube" and Old Dog says, (in the bored tone of one who has supplied this word too many times) "Flourescent."

Have fun tonight!

kimber p said...

omg Pearl..You just made me choke on my Cheese Nips with that toilet paper remark!!! lmao....(don't I wish!)

Eskimo Bob said...

Ooooh boy - the Snow Ball; we just started Fur Rondy:(short for Rendezvous) all in preparation for the Iditarod. Winter is nearly over!

Try and leave with a nice fur coat tonight! ;)

Pearl said...

Irish, we could meet every Thursday, Thursday, Thursday in the afternoon for a couple of beers and a game of pool… See ya at the Wagon Wheel!

Braja, hic!

That Baldy Fella, keep waving it! I’ll be by in a couple hours!

Mary Moore, we’ve got nothing but time!

Darsden, I do plan on taking pics and will publish those fit for public consumption.

IB, I’m also partial to “your money’s no good here”.

MuseSwings, I had a boss once – fabulous man – that walked by once saying “Pearl, why you little…” I said “George, why I oughta…” and we had a good laugh. I loved that guy.

Sweet Cheeks, really? So glad to hear I’m not the only one dealing with the dreaded cat’s ass shaving! And yes, I will be taking notes tonight.

AND OOOOooOoOoOoO! I JUST GOT A CALL BACK FROM MY HAIR GAL AND SHE’S GOING TO DO MY HAIR FOR TONIGHT! YAY! Oh, it’s amazing how little it takes to make me happy!

Jess, the English language is a beautiful thing!

Douglas, I am nothing if not clean!

Jeanne, I really like “light in a tube”! That works! I can never remember “robe” and usually end up saying “dressing gown” while people wonder what century I’m from…

Pearl said...

kimber, that makes me happy. :-)

EB, I have a fur, but it's RABBIT (not so cool) and only to just below the butt. Wish I could afford more with how cold it's been but I'll make it with the down for one more year!
p.s. Glad you're "public" again. It was on my list of things to do today to see what was up with the private listing.

Bee said...

You deserve an end-of-winter party for sure.

Michelle said...

Have like so much fun tonight Pearly-Q!!!

Your adorably funny and all that!!!

I won't waste my toilet paper on my chest. It's needed elsewhere!!!

I'm just saying!!!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

You know...I never had any issues remembering that methanal and formaldehyde are the same thing. Also, I don't have issues with ethyne and acetylene. Funny, that.

I'd totally buy you a free drink if you took my coat in a dignified manner. You know, like a weenie.

Pearl said...

Michelle, I shall dance in your honor!

iNDefatigable, I have many talents, and one of them is perfect wienie-tude whilst taking coats.

Lori Anderson Designs said...

LMAO about the toilet paper!

Chaka said...

Pearl, you are very funny. I find myself having problems remembering words too. Sometimes I combine words mid sentence on accident. I'll mix arm and hand and say "harm"

SweetPeaSurry said...

Yay for dress up time. I've never rubbed TP on my chest, that I can recall, I drink a bit though, so I may have just killed that brain cell of remembrance.

bright blessings!

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

yeah, in this country with the day's economy, that one can become a five... cent piece!
um, toilet paper, eh? well, if it works on tushies, maybe Smilin' Bob shoulda signed up with Charmin...

Kavi said...

The toilet paper trick was quite a roll. I mean..you know...a roll !

The logic is immaculate though !

:)

Gadjo Dilo said...

Yep, loved the toilet paper idea! It's a fallacy, but tests show that rubbing things can sometimes make them bigger.

fingers said...

You put formaldehyde in the punch, didn't you ??
And then you drank the punch, didn't you ??
I like your little blog, Pearl...you are a very clever chick...

Ducking Little said...

This post made me giggle! That is really just how I feel at my ditziest, especially if I'm excited ahead of something good that's gonna happen!