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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I’m Concerned About Your Grocery Cart

My favorite thing about people, other than how tasty they can be with a side of fries, is that they are goofy.

And "goofy", by the way, can be used both as a term to question a person's thinking processes or, amongst people who "get" each other, as a term of endearment.

I believe that the Australians use the term "dags" in much the same way. (I may have that wrong, as I do not speak Australian...)

But to continue...

There are a lot of goofy people out there.

Goofy, as in “what the hell?”, as in “you know, you don’t see that every day”, as in “I can’t wait to tell someone about this”.

Look around you. I can’t guarantee anything, of course, but that guy on the TV?

Goofy.

The guy out shoveling?

Goofy.

Me? You?

Completely normal, I’m sure.

Honestly, though; The Goofy are everywhere. Normally I get my fill just by riding the bus, but every now and then I’m forced to do things other than commute – like buy food for the week.

Have you noticed that grocery stores are excellent people-watching? Do you ever look in other people’s carts?

The man in front of me the other day in the line to the register had at least three dozen frozen dinners, four boxes of cereal, two gallons of milk (one white and one chocolate) in his cart – and a big ol’ box of cat litter...

Party!

While everyone else’s carts had produce in them, plastic-wrapped animal flesh, or, say, cat food, this guy plans to eat strictly out of either the microwave or the cereal bowl food groups.

And then, it appears, he’ll be using the cat box.

That’s goofy.

29 comments:

Braja said...

OK, token Aussie here.

Yes, dags is used that way. I use the term quite a bit. It's my only real nod to Aussie slang--I don't say beaut, bonza, fair dinkum, or any other kind of Aussie slang. OK, so I do say no worries. But I don't say mate.

But dag? I use it often. Or did. I remember using it on a rather famous British actor, constantly. He loved it. He had a habit of calling me when I lived in London and telling me to meet him for lunch. One day he called and asked me if I wanted lunch. I asked him where he was. He said, "Pitt Street, Sydney." I thought he was joking. He described his surroundings, and I believed him. He'd flown there for lunch. Seriously. But that's not the story. The story is, that his BLOODY LUNCH GUESTS TOLD HIM WHAT DAG MEANT.

And of course it means those little pieces of dried shit that hang around on the wool of a sheep's bum.

I mean, that's cute, right? :)

He couldn't believe I'd been calling him dried sheep shit for years and it took him a long time to get over it. Like, an hour or something. And some expensive red wine...

DarklyFey said...

Just thought I'd mention that I and my entire family? We're goofy. Dorky, too. Just so you know. ;D

darsden said...

ROTFLMAO, have you checked out the people in the frozen food section..that is where I (goofy) likes to hang out..oh wait yes you did you were tracking frozen tv dinner man!
I do enjoy people watching ;-)

Joanie said...

Sounds like my John's shopping cart. The man is a bachelor in the truest sense of the word. His freezer is full of Hungry Man dinners, Hot Pockets, his cabinets have microwavable soup, chili, Ramen noodles and 6 bottles of Russan dressing. His fridge is full of sugar free beverages and leftover take-out.

kimber p said...

You know what I've noticed when it comes to looking into other people's carts? That pretty much everyone considers it an invasion of privacy--like a gander into what they feed their family is going to subject them to all kinds of spam emails and junk mail in their mailbox and telephone calls at 10pm asking them "do you REALLY think that's the best thing to be feeding Jr??"
My favorite is when the cashier accidentally picks up an item from the next person in line's stuff on the conveyor and the man/woman says with a hearty laugh "Hey!! You can pay for my stuff too if you want to! HAHAHA!!"
good times....good times.....

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Pearl,

You are by far a unique woman; able to peer into the abyss and find an intriguing story to tell.

underovr

ladyfi said...

Very funny!

As for using that cat litter.. well at least it saves on toilet paper.

Under the Influence said...

Clearly, that man is a bachelor or his wife is off to the hospital for long term care!

Blue Eyes said...

I always nose into what other people are buying, and to balance things out I proudly display my purchases for others to see. I always wonder what people will make of my meat and washing powder diet...

Michelle said...

I am both goofy and nerdy and dorky and geeky!!!

Anything ending in E i am!!!

So, yeah!!! Whats new???

M

Jeanne said...

Last time I was at the grocery, I saw a 50-something guy with a ponytail, handlebar mustache and leathers using a bungee cord to secure a 12-pack of Milwaukee's Best to his sissy bar. I wanted to say, "Dude, don't limit yourself to the stereotype!"

Douglas said...

I don't understand, that sounds like a perfectly normal shopping cart load to me. There are myriad uses for kitty litter. For the cat, of course, as well as soaking up that oil that spilled all over the garage floor when you attempted to save a few bucks by changing your own oil and for gaining traction on the icy and snowed over steep driveway (not that I have that problem down here in sunny Florida).

It's the little old lady buying vegetable oil, feathers, and condoms that I worry about.

derfina said...

I was behind a lady the other day who, amongst her groceries, had no less than TWENTY ONE cans of various flavors of air fresheners. I'm sorry, but if you need THAT MUCH air freshener, your stink is a bigger problem than any number of cans is gonna fix.

J'Ollie Primitives said...

not one but TWO bottles of butterscotch topping...
six doughnuts
a pound of cheap generic chocolate
coffee
and 44 containers of yogurt.

definitely a cause for concern

a mouthy irish woman? ridiculous! said...

you know what's goofy? never mind...i was going with a your mom joke...but decided better.

i am, however, tagging your ass.

come see me and don't give me any lip.

Ducking Little said...

Goofy, for that kind of weirdness I would be thinking more "eccentric"? I only think of people as goofy if they are also kind of endearing and maybe a bit clumsy.

My fave places for people spotting are either
a) 24 hr supermarkets - all the mentalists come out and do their shopping at 0345 in the morning.
or
b) bars and cafes that have bar style seating running alongside the window. You can wave at people and really freak them out by making eye contact.

Steve said...

I'm goofy. I had a shit dentist as a kid. Does that count? ;-)

fingers said...

I was standing in the check-out line the other day when I glanced over the shoulder of the woman in front of me and looked into her shopping trolley.
Seven tins of cat food, one bag of cat litter, some tinned soup and a roll of loo-paper.
She suddenly turned round, caught me peering into her trolley and said, 'What are you looking at ??'
I said 'Excuse me but you're single arent you ??'
She said, 'Why yes I am. I guess you can tell that from the contents of my trolley ??'
I said, 'No, I figured it out after I got a look at your face'...

Not The Rockefellers said...

Goofy? Absolutely. And as my Dad would say " You're glad you're nuts!!"

Peace - Rene

The Jules said...

I think that chap has his life sorted out nicely.

Apart from the possibility of rickets.

JBA said...

So, would you call the authorities if you saw chicken feet, a bottle of vodka and drain opener? (Soup, sauced, drains clear) or baseball cards, Lucky Charms, root beer, cheezits, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and chicken patties? (This would mean my son was holding me hostage and you should get me some help!)

Sara said...

I want to party with that guy. TV dinners are excellent with kitty litter.

Lisa said...

yes, i am a dag and a aussie- dag to us is goofy to you i would say, however, i used them both....lisa xx

ugich konitari said...

Thats why we have the Layman brothers, and Tote bags. No carts in/and supermarkets. So much more fun to see tote bags bursting with stuff and trying to figure out whether its 25 apples, 3 boxes of detergent or a celebration of beans, peas and tomatoes....

Cygnus MacLlyr said...

Oh gods, I hope I aint normal.
And I don't use the catbox, but they, um, 'contribute' to my garden..

don't seem fair, i ken..

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Nothing like goofy, lonely bad cooks wandering the grocery stores for quick meals and kitty relief! It takes all kinds. THANK GOD!!!!

Barbara Blundell said...

Pearl,
Please will you tell Douglas not to worry about me. I'm O.K.and enjoying life

Andraste said...

I LOVE looking at what other people are buying. Sometimes I'm disgusted, sometimes bemused.

My favorites are the guys who have a box of pasta, a jar of sauce, cereal, milk, and a toothbrush and toothpaste. My thoughts? "She kicked him out."

Garden Gnome said...

livin in OZ and you are right on the dag thing -- we have soo many wonderful terms here. love your blog!

cheers