Hey Kids! It's Forensic Friday, wherein I use my iPod to divine my future. Scary stuff!
From the time I left the house until I settled in at my desk today, I've rolled the bones (iPod is set on shuffle) and here it is: My immediate future.
Super Stupid by Funkadelic
Saturday Fantastic by Diamond Nights
Are You Experienced by Jimi Hendrix
Truckers Atlas by Modest Mouse
Respect Yourself by The Staple Singers
Black Soul Choir by 16 Horsepower
Aja by Steely Dan
On Call by Kings of Leon
Hmmm. Sounds like fun!
You know, there are many things, not just iPods, that get used in ways that were never intended by the manufacturer; so today, we’re gonna talk about tools.
Today’s tool? The cell phone (or, in my desire to become bilingual, the “mobile”).
And here you thought I might be talking about another kind of "tool". Not true, and I take exception to your thinking so! I’m an upright and modest citizen, a woman without a dirty-minded bone in her whole body and I thoroughly resent the idea that - that – aw, crap. I can’t do it. I can’t lie to you people.
Let’s start over.
The woman across from me on the bus yesterday morning sat with a phone held to her ear for the full ride in to the city. Cell phone plastered to the side of her head, she was silent the whole time. Never said a word.
Twenty minutes (or so) of nothing. Seriously nothing. No expression. No “uh-huh” or “no way”. She didn’t nod her head or roll her eyes or give any indication that there was anything going on at the other end.
Could this be an example of the cell phone used as an avoidance tool?
Another possible use of the cell phone: defense. I’ve used this myself, although, in hindsight, surely this kind of thinking qualifies me for a handicapped sticker on my car?
I refer specifically to the late-night, walking-home-alone-but-I’m-not-alone-if-I-have-my-cell-phone-with-me trick.
Really, it’s a pretty lousy trick.
The idea is that no one could possibly attack you if you’re on the phone, right? Because by yelling, “Hey! Stop that!” the person on the other end of the call would somehow be able to help you defend yourself?
The strangest part of that is that I have actually done this with no one else on the other end. That’s right – my idea of self-defense is to pretend that I’m on the phone with someone!
“Oh, hey, Killer! No, no, I’m just walking home – oh, you can see me from your window? And you’re what? You’re ready to go all Jack-Bauer on anyone who tries to hurt me? Oh, Killer, no one would be dumb enough to attack me when you’re just moments away!”
Ladies and gentlemen, I implore you! Have you ever heard of anything so ludicrous?
Wait. Is it possible that the woman on the phone on the early-morning, we’re-all-just-commuting-to-work, nothing-to-worry-about-here bus was actually on the phone, not in avoidance, but in an attempt to defend herself?
Every day, there’s something new to consider.
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