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Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Chicken Little on Line One…

Well, I did it. In response to being required to take some days off, unpaid, in the near future, I have called the bank and had my 401(K) contribution (via my paycheck) reduced by half, a temporary measure I hope will keep the creditors at bay.

Ack! This goes against my grain, as a card-carrying Midwest-type, a Daughter of The Frugal, and a nervous future retiree; but dammit people, we’ve gotta pay our bills.

So I’m sitting here, looking at my fancy pantyhose (now with reinforced toes!), my purse-sized hand lotion and my genuine imitation leather lunch bag/general purpose tote, and I think, how can I cut expenses from my budget?

My views on the under-appreciated Wienie Water Soup are well-known (not to mention that, frozen into cubes, Wienie Water Soup makes wonderful bouillon), but surely there are more cost-cutting measures?

For example, when was the last time you cut your own hair? Personally, the last time I did was just before pictures in second grade. That was a very special year for me, if the photo is any way to judge… Frankly, I prefer to think I was ahead of my time with that angular, piece-y look.

OK, maybe it wasn’t such a “special” year as much as it was a word used by my mother to both describe my hair style and save my feelings.

Wait – she was trying to spare my feelings, wasn’t she?

So maybe we shouldn’t cut our own hair.

But what about the heat? Do we really need the heat all the way up to 64 degrees?

And speaking of that, do we really need that refrigerator running 24/7? Wouldn’t the porch serve the same purpose? Must speak to someone about this…

What about those cats? Isn’t it time they got a job mewing for cash or something? Perhaps engagement as professional mousers? What are the kitties doing these days as employment?

Hmmm. And, well, there’s the cable TV. I could get rid of that…

HA! Thought I meant that, didn’t you? Well, no. I have a long way to fall before I give up “Intervention” and anything with the word “forensic” in the title.

Sheesh.

I see whipping up a big batch of Wienie Water Soup in my future.

24 comments:

Skywalker said...

Less eating out, more renting movies and making cheap meals at home.

Please don't cut your own hair.

darsden said...

I hear ya Pearl, hey least your not living in ya mama's back yard.. oh wait that's me...damn! Yes, it is going to get a lot worse before it gets better I am afraid. (My nephew & niece both have been laid off...they got lil babies!) I am blessed to have parents with a shed...Yep out in the shed Pearl-but I love it. Yes, I also agree WHO needs heat! Okay now I am just being mean (cuz I live at home) to my friend who lives with snow! Hope it doesn't get any rougher for you guys!

The Retired One said...

No! Don't cut your hair. Just shave the cats and sell their hair. (I'd say something about the cats and the wiener soup, but that would just be GROSS. hahaha
Just don't cut the cable. That would be the last to go. I mean, you gotta stay sane, right? (Ooops...too late!)

Loved this one (as always!)...keep writing, Pearl (it doesn't cost you anything and it enriches us!)

Ann's Rants said...

Piecey-angular look! In my favorite school picture from my youth I now realize my hair was exactly that of Jennifer Aniston in her knotted-hippy hair, red carpet, during happy Brad days. Jeesus, why is everything about Jennifer Aniston these days? I don't even love her.

Michelle said...

So, perhaps you can cut my hair?? I can pay you! Pennies, but still!!!

That way you make money and i save money!!! Isn't that what this post is about???

I say give up eating and drinking.

Then you can watch all the cable TV you want!!!

NOT!!!

Love you Pearly-Q!!!

Susan said...

Just don't give up the liquor.

Under the Influence said...

Less war, more love. That will fix everything!

Mary Moore said...

I cut my husband's hair, but I wouldn't cut my own...I have too many bad haircut stories.

Other than that, this is a hard time for a lot of people. I hope it gets better soon.

Orion said...

wienie water soup.
what's the world coming to ...hotdog flavored icees?

Barbara Blundell said...

Hi Pearl,
Why dont you start a Rent-A-Cat business ? You could advertise their services as mouse hunters,bird scarers,entertainers,and I was told yesterday that cat stroking is a cure for high blood pressure-now there's a thing. It could be quite lucrative and at least keep you in ciggies.

Douglas said...

I am giving up the cell phone I don't use anyway, driving further than the golf course, and beer. Oh wait, I don't drink beer. Well, that'll be easy. I am growing my own limes for my gin and tonics and have been totally devoted to leftovers since I was a small child (that's all I got then anyway). On the other hand, I just got a SS raise so I'm not doing too bad, I can now afford the brand name dog food for dinner.

Eskimo Bob said...

Heh heh Susan said "Lick her" heh heh. . .

Shut up Beavis - I'm gonna try and score.

Pearl said...

Skywalker, all good advice!

darsden, why you little...

Retired One, I shall continue to amuse myself with these posts -- and I'm glad you're along!

Ann, I never was interested in her either for some reason...

Michelle, I'll be right over with the scissors and a 12-pack and we'll do it right!

Susan, I'd sooner give up the good chocolate...

Under the Influence, as a knower of hippies, I say to you "right on".

Mary Moore, I suspect it will get worse before it gets better, honestly. I've got a friend already organizing card parties for us neighborhood folk so cheap entertainment is on its way. Now I just hope we can all keep our heads above water.

Orion, think of it! It's like meat-flavored - albeit flat - pop (soda, whatever). Water, protein, the odd piece of hot dog skin. There'll be LINES at the grocery stores for this sort of thing. LINES!

Barbara, would you believe I've considered such a thing?!

Douglas that's the spirit! :-)

Eskimo Bob, how's that volcano treatin' ya?!

Bee said...

Your imagination works in wonderful ways, Pearl.

Vic said...

I'm pretty sure I'm getting an IOU instead of a paycheck next month, since I technically work for the state, and California's got NO money.

Times are tough when you have to be grateful for your pantyhose. :)

Pearl said...

Bee, that's very sweet of you. :-)

Vic, I heard about that this morning. I'm sure your bank takes an IOU as well... Yikes.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Q!
I bet you could work something out with the bus company. You could offer to clean the bus at the end of the day...in exchange you get to keep the loose change, forgotten items like HATS and gloves and whatnot that you find.
Under no circumstances touch the gum under the seats though...bad stuff that is!
:)

Pearl said...

Sweet Cheeks, you are always thinking. I like that in a person. :-)

Irish Gumbo said...

Pearl:

Wienie Water Soup?

*gasp* Soulmate!

Would you marry me?

I'll bring my recipe for egg noodles with ketchup sauce!

That Baldy Fella said...

I, erm, don't think the "not paying for haircuts" thing will make a dent for me. I've been on that savings drive since 1997...

Smart Mouth Broad said...

I had to laugh at your refridgerator comment. My mother used to put our left-overs on the back porch in the winter. Thanks for the memories!

kikojmt said...

I have your solution. Make and sell bathtub gin. Moonshine would work too, but I hear it's too damn cold in Minneapolis to even contemplate the outdoors.

And if you cut your own hair, and mess up, shave a small triangular section of your bangs off like I did in fourth grade. Let me tell you, it will look STELLAR as it grows out. My mother only wishes my school picture day had come after I'd done this.

Braja said...

Be still my beating heart....Pearl, honey, are you a CSI girl?

And yeah, get those cats mowing lawns or somethin'....

Braja said...

btw, for me, it's the question of "when is the last time I went to a salon," as I cut my own hair and have done for years....since I came to India. So would you if the alternative was a villager with a sharp blade....