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Friday, February 27, 2009

Black, White, Puerto Rican, Everybody Just a’Freakin’

Ladies, gentlemen, fellow bloggers, beer drinkers and hell-raisers, my name is Pearl, today is Friday, and I’ll be your somewhat freaked-out guide.

Remember me telling you that I’m not superstitious? I wish I’d never said that, because in the spirit of divining the future from my iPod (whilst on shuffle), the following has come up:

Everybody Ona Move by Michael Franti & Spearhead
The Impression That I Get by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
Rich Kid Blues by The Raconteurs
Hey Eugene by Pink Martini
Nugget by Cake
Put It Behind You by Keane
Sunday Papers by Joe Jackson
Scratch by Morphine

On Monday, the corporation where I’ve been working for over five years will be laying off what appears to be a significant number of people. I have no idea if I am "safe" or not.

Why are all those songs (in a row, mind you) about hard luck, loss, and moving on?

I am not superstitious. I am not superstitious. The songs mean nothing. I am a valuable employee. I am good at what I do. I am well-liked and join committees. (And while we’re at it, I make a mean taco dip, know a guy who has a cousin touring with the Grateful Dead, and can also roll my “r”s. Take THAT, frightening economy!!)

So!

You got time for a short story? Just a little one.

I went to a party a number of years ago and was approached by a man heavily clad in biker gear. Harley Davidson this and Harley Davidson that.

Very exciting, no?

I was asked a question there that haunts me to this day. He came up to me…

“Can I ask you a question?”

Me? Hmmm. “Sure,” I said.

“Well, you know those three adhesive strips?” He was referring to a television advertisement for “feminine napkins” wherein they hailed the benefit of three adhesive strips as a fixative.

“Yeah.”

“Well can I ask you a personal question about it?”

“Sure.”

“Don’t those things hurt?”



Like I said: it haunts me.

47 comments:

Jess said...

LMAO! Awwwwwww, biker dudes. They are close to my heart...and still have such small minds. I lurve em.

By the way...where is it that I need to meet you for this Friday beer madness you speak of?

darsden said...

OMGoodness, that is funny. I would see where it would haunt you..I bet you giggle all the time about that ;-)

I will keep you in my prayers Pearl in reference to the jobiejob. I have 3 now down to 2 thank goodness, unemployed youngsters in my family.(ages 32 and 33) It is hitting hard around here. There is hardly anything left from "Katrina" let alone trying to withstand the economy. Prayers xoxo

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Ouch to the economy and ouch to the adhesive. Didja offer him a spare pad so he could try it for himself?

Mary Moore said...

I hope your job is safe, although those songs...I don't know...that'll certainly teach you to go shuffling through your Ipod.

And, yes, those stripes do hurt.

naperville mom said...

good'ol hahahehehoho:) So what did you tell him, just curious...

naperville mom said...

i hope I don't sound too syrupy but my prayers're with you, Pearl...I hope you stay safe.

Pearl said...

Jess, beer and bloody mary madness will be at the Spring Street Bar and Grill in NE Mpls on Sunday, starting around 2:30. Dead serious.

darsden, thank you so much, sweetie. I have nothing to complain about -- we get by, but there's no extra.
And forgive me but I'd almost forgotten about Katrina and can't imagine how horrible that was -- INCLUDING the aftermath continuing to this day -- so knowing you're thinking of me makes me feel better.

J'Ollie, I was in too much awe of his huge-leather-cladness to come up with anything other than a quizzical look followed by hysterical and only somewhat drunken laughter...

Mary Moore, I do need to show more respect to the iPod. Perhaps an eight-track offering later?!

Naperville Mom, after I stopped laughing I explained that they were attached to the underwear, not the other way around. I can still see the look on his face as he considered how much more sense this made...

Pearl said...

naperville mom, I am always happy to take the sincere well-wishes of friends. :-)

darsden said...

It's all good here too Pearl. My family is very blessed! Jobs aren't too good, housing (hell there ain't any) Again We are blessed. But Pearl there are still famlies living in tents around here (3 years later) with their babies. It's hard when I am blessed to have my mole hole ya know!!!

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Hmmm...I think I just found out who was posting those pictures that I mentioned in my blog this past weekend.

Here's to hoping you keep your job and that everything is cozy. I will give you the only piece of advice that I have in the situation, though: When I got laid off from my job a few years ago, it was the single most liberating and wonderful thing to happen to me. I found a better job with better people and better pay. I love it here now. Should the headsman's axe fall, there will be something better for you in the future.

And if not...there's always stripping.

Cameron said...

So........do they?

Ann's Rants said...

Pearl, I hope you job is safe. Now I'm thinking about the "wings" (ouch?)

Roshni Mitra Chintalapati said...

Ewww!! What a question?!!
Best of luck... I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.

Pearl said...

Darsden, you wouldn’t think that was possible, would you, people living in tents three years later! (And I love that you call your place the Mole Hole!)

iNDefatigable, HA! I read that blog and you have my condolences. Frightening what some searches will bring up, innit?! But let me assure you that I am rarely that crude!
And thank you for the advice. At this point, I’m just scared. Monday, should the axe fall, I’ll be scared and crying. After that? Who knows, but I do tend to land on my feet.

Cameron, they do not. :-)

Ann, the wings are here to help you, not to hurt you. :-)

Roshni, he was dead serious.

Frank said...

Wow! I think you could have titled your blog, “worlds worst pick-up line/ice breaker.”

We had layoffs too. I brought in some smoked turkey and smoked pork tenderloin. (Got a smoker for Christmas.) Nothing says “valuable employee” like some smoked meat products!!!

Pearl said...

Frank, dagnab it, I should’ve made a cake! Nothing says “keep me gainfully employed” like seven-minute frosting!!

Ms Sparrow said...

Oh Pearl, I hope the job loss thing doesn't hit you too! A neighbor was over last night and said they just told him that is job at the UM is being eliminated.
I'll be holding a good thought.

Sweet Cheeks said...

Pearly Q...

Hugs and kisses from Idaho sister. Hope you make it through the elimination round...but the guy and the copy thing is haunting my thoughts just now...Be Brave.

Love Ya!
SweetCheeks :)

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I think I'd be pretty haunted by that question too.

I hope that you are safe in your job. Downsizing is happening to way too many good people these days.

underOvr (aka The U) said...

Hi Pearl,

In a meeting yesterday, I was informed of the likelihood of staff cuts. In the past my concern went out for members of my staff but all bets are off now. In addition, I was told that executive management will travel to various IT locations to see which employees do not comply with our new dress code policy (jeans are out now).

Corporate America has fostered an employee attitude that, "hopes I am fortunate enough to keep my job while someone I know is shown the door". Employee value means little as companies float down the river of "cheap labor overseas".

I wish you well Pearl.

underOvr

tinkalicious said...

Ewh on the biker's quiz!

Sprinkling fairy dust your way, us tinker's are known for our ability to fix things! Really!

Have been living on a(fairy)wing and a (whole lot)of prayer for almost two years since my biz collapsed, so keep the faith that all will be well.

Pearl said...

Ms. Sparrow, thank you. We’re all a little anxious over here!

Sweet Cheeks, I appreciate it. (And sorry for the haunting!)

Blogging Mama, it’s strange, isn’t it, whole groups, whole departments being let go…

underOVR, compliance to the dress code. While I dress professionally every day, IT rarely does as they tend to be the “behind the scenes” types anyway.
I believe you are correct re: the selling us out aspect. Loyalty, tenure? Sold in exchange for profit and “growth”…

Pearl said...

Tink, I am going to continue to believe that all is well. Monday won't be here until Monday gets here, if you know what I mean; and whatever has been decided has already BEEN decided. I am choosing to believe that no matter what happens, it will be okay!

Schmutzie said...

You are being featured on Five Star Friday!
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2009/02/five-star-friday-edition-43.html

Kevin Musgrove said...

did you not tell the biker that's how they do Brazilians?

Vérité Parlant said...

Sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop during layoffs could drive anyone to drink and more.

Your adhesive strips story reminds of one of my cousins, when he was six, asking his sister, "Why do you have those big bandaids?"

Followed you from Revvy Rev's blog.

Cool post.

Thinkinfyou said...

Uh,I have gotten one of the adhesive strips stuck on me before and,yeah the do hurt!

Pearl said...

Schmutzie, well how cool is that?! Thank you!

Kevin, dagnab it! Why didn’t I think of that?

Verite Parlant, thank you and nice to meet you! I’ll be stopping by your blog soon!

Thinkinfyou, OW! Just the thought makes my eyes water!

IB said...

Well Pearl, I too will be hoping for the best for you.

The biker story was funny. I have a bunch of biker-dude friends and none of us are any too bright...not sure why that is...

Douglas said...

Is the haunting because you wonder how long the biker dude contemplated that question and/or why he chose you to ask?

I have had a number of jobs and was even fired twice. The longer I had a job, the more attached to it I tended to become. Yet, they all were phases in my life, nothing more. If you get the axe, you will survive. You are smart, clever, and funny; there will always be a place for you somewhere. I sympathize with you, however, as I went through a few "downsizings" and know the anxiety you feel.

Pearl said...

IB, now I’m not sure if it’s a matter of being bright or if it’s more lacking the filter to have kept him from asking such a question. Honestly, though, I’ve been laughing about that question for quite a while. What can I say? If you truly didn’t know anything about that sort of thing, I guess it’s a reasonable question!

Douglas, good question! I think I’ve enjoyed the question all by itself, the fact that he watched the commercial and thought “Yikes! That’s gotta hurt!” without really thinking about the whole picture…
And you’re right, of course, regarding being let go. I’ve always taken my bills and owing money very seriously. I was raised poor and spent much of my 20s living from hand to mouth. But should I lose my job, I’ll be okay. I have friends, I have my mind, and I interview well. I’m sure I’ll be okay.

SassyTwoSocks said...

He must be awful in bed if he can't even figure out how a maxipad works.

Pearl said...

Sassy, I was never in a position to find out... :-)

Not The Rockefellers said...

The Mighty Mighty Bosstones!

Go Plaid!

Peace - Rene

Michelle said...

Ummm yes Pearly-Q they do hurt!!! Didn't you tell him that??? No wonder its haunting you to this day!!!

I love you. YOU ARE SAFE!!!!

M

Susan said...

Oh Lawdy. That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long while. I hope you didn't explain...he needs to just keep on thinking that.

SweetPeaSurry said...

LMMFAO ... in a serious way. Not just the plane jane way of LMMFAO ... the SERIOUS way.

Doesn't that hurt, you ask?

Why yes, yes it does.

Warty Mammal said...

Bwahahahahahaha!

A woman I used to know was asked a related question about "internal protection". "How do you pee?" asked a drunken fellow bar patron, who was a bit vague on female anatomy. My acquaintance was incredulous, but never one to be at a loss for words. "Oh, you know, I just sort of scoot the tampon over," she replied.

(Sorry. Hope I haven't singlehandedly destroyed your blog's family-friendly rating.)

Kavi said...

omg ! lol ! sO WHAT happened ? I mean..what did you tell him ? Harleys do strange thing to people ! And he is supposed to have had harley this and harley that...!

OOh !!

Freaked out guide !! hmm

nsiyer said...

All the best, Pearl you keep your job with distinction.
As for the guy, if I had been asked such a question,I would have demonstrated the use by using the strips on him - you know where.

Eskimo Bob said...

Ohla Pearl;

Sounds like everyone will be here to support you if you do end up being a statistic.

Well - not really support you, we won't pay your bills or buy your cigarettes.

And when the morose hits you - and your blogs start being more despondent in nature; we'll placate you and visit. Then the visits will begin being more sporadic - then pretty soon it'll just be like dust . . .

but hey it's the WEEKEND!! YEAH!

Ohh - EBL is back on the public market; tell your friends!

Braja said...

But isn't that how the Brazilian was invented....??

Jeanne said...

As with so many things, it depends on where you stick them.

Fingers crossed for Monday (and, based on personal, recent experience, if the worst happens, turns out it's not really the worst).

swenglishexpat said...

I certainly hope you are not right in your superstitious fears! But just to be sure, join another committee, it might help. ;-)
Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

Revvy Rev said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog Ms. Pearl. Remember this:

You are not your job. The job is only what you are doing right now. You are so much larger than the job, so whatever happens, the job is only a stop on the itinerary - it is not your destination. Your destination is much higher.

Be Blessed.

the iNDefatigable mjenks said...

Yeah, when the axe fell on my neck at my old job, I was sad...for about five minutes. Then I realized I didn't have to see those jerks anymore, had two months worth of severance, and could take afternoon naps on a whim.

Good luck, Pearl. You do seem like the kind who would land on her feet no matter what.

CSY said...

My son asked me where I put them...he was 3 at the time, I changed the channel on the TV to distract him. What? Was that a BAD thing?