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Saturday, January 17, 2009

Someone’s To Blame for This (and It's Probably Me!)

There are days, I am sorry to say, when one is confronted by the question “What the hell happened?!” and the only true response one can offer is “I don’t know”.

Or perhaps, “I do know, but I’m not telling you.”

I’m sorry to drag you back into the work week, but I am struggling with an error that I’ve never made before, an error I can’t trace, an error I can’t account for.

What? No! Never mind what the error was! Can’t you see I’m in turmoil?!

For cryin’ out loud!

So while not specifically naming just what, exactly, the error involved (the blood spatter was easily cleaned up, I don’t care what those janitors tell you) I will tell you that it was mortifying. It was a blunder! A gaffe!

Me! A mistake!

Can you believe it?! Sure – I know I’m cocky! And most of the time, I’m completely at home with this bloated and self-serving vision of myself.

Most of the time.

And then there’s the other times. Like the time I wandered into work with my skirt tucked in my pantyhose; the time I ruined a perfectly good office chair through an unfortunate monthly miscalculation; or the time I realized, around 2:30 in the morning, that I had given my boss the wrong airline ticket for a 7:00 a.m. flight – I got up, drove the 20 miles to work, heart pounding, in my pajamas; scared the living shit out of the janitors; and then drove, from memory, to a place I’d only been once before.

Thirty miles. In the dark. In the country.

I left the tickets on his windshield wiper.

See, some mistakes are instantly visible (ie, one’s nylon-clad, skirt-less butt); and some are not (one’s driving, pre-dawn and pre-cardio infarction, to deliver the correct airline ticket).

Yep, there’s nothing like being knocked down a peg or two; and so while I cling to my pride, which is, today, several notches below its usual perch, I just want to say:

Blame has been placed. Steps have been taken. Procedures have been put in place.

That is all.


Dr Zibbs said...

You tucked yor skirt into your pantyhose? Man would I love to see that.

Ann's Rants said...

You WEAR pantyhose? Whole retro professionalism. I can't believe that your dedication carried you to the lengths of midnight-jammy-clad-courrier service. At least you didn't bike.

darsden said...

O M G! Your Human! whadyado,tellme, whadyado tell me WHAT ! OH MY ... Pearl stop beating yourself up. Sounds like ya need a cocktail on your way home honey com'on by! :-)

nsiyer said...

Great post. Those confessions stood out.All of us have our bad days. But sharing does wonders.

I liked your humour in the post and specifically the way you say it about'miscalculation'. Knowing to use the right language is both an art and a science.

Irish Gumbo said...

Pearl, perhaps you should attend my seminar series on "How To Avoid 'Effin Up your Life: Drink form the Fountain of Experience with Irish Gumbo".

I tucked my skirt into my hose once, that was one embarrassing meeting I can tell you...

Jeanne said...

Tell me about it! I just started a job that's completely different than the work I've done in the past and I've never felt so clueless in my life.

IB said...

I actually TRY to screw things up from time-to-time. It keeps the expectations of others at a manageable level.


Red Squirrel said...

Where I work we have a 'no blame' culture, and no matter how hard people try our team refuses to accept any blame for anything.

That's probably what they mean right?

Michelle said...

Your post had me cracking up! I love the way you write!

Kavi said...

"Blame has been placed. Steps have been taken. Procedures have been put in place.

That is all".

What else is there ?!?! That is a fair distance !! While reading, i did smile, and went 'aww shucks' and then, learnt a few lessons. In going a good length to own up and correct !!

Fantastic ! Fantastic is the word !


I have read some of your posts and would like to revisit.

If you like reading short stories from an Indian writer, then a visit to my blogs would be an interesting one for you.

Naval Langa


EskimoBob said...

Pearl -

While one is prone to make mistakes from time-to-time, it is hard to not notice that this mistake was made just after you celebrated another birthday. Pearl, I don't know how else to say this, but I think time has caught up with you.

Just follow Bruno down the hall, and he will take care of you.

Jess said...

Gahhhh! Don't you HATE being wrong/making a mistake?! I am only wrong once a year and apparently that happened earlier this week upon loosing a bet that that lady from Judging Amy is the same lady in Private Practice. Yeah, I was totally wrong. And also intoxicated at the time. I swear it shouldn't count.

dizzblnd said...

I've done the whole skirt pantyhose thing too at work, WITH a monthly miscalculation.. luckily my girlfriend/teamleader spotted it before anyone

I hope you don't get in trouble for whatever happened

Douglas said...

What's it like? Really like? To make a mistake, I mean. Other than the small errors in my life (none of which have caused more than a day in jail before being bailed out), I would say I never made something I might consider a mistake. Ignoring that pesky first marriage and all, of course. And shutting off long distance service for 90% of San Diego and surrounding areas for 25 minutes or so. Other than these... and maybe a few others I won't mention because the statute of limitations has not yet run out. What is it really like?

Vic said...

"Blame has been placed. Steps have been taken. Procedures have been put in place."

OY. My blood pressure just went up in sympathy. Hang in there, Pearl.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Kind, sorta dealing with a little bit of that myself these days, though on a personal level and not work related.

Yeah, wtf? alright.

Peace - Rene

Michelle said...

Pearl you rock for just telling the blog world about this!!!

I like your style and i like you!!!

Happy Saturday, and don't worry!!!

Eric S. said...

If I quit making mistakes, then I would not be living, LOL. Procedures set in place really, LOL.

Pearl said...

OOOooOOoOoOOOooooh I have a migraine today. Quick response:
I certainly did tuck my pantyhose in my skirt. I'm sure it was a sight!
I do wear pantyhose! I know I know. My mom worked for L'Eggs when I was a teenager so I got used to the idea of them early...
I'm terribly and delightfully human and would very much like a margarita. On the rocks. With salt. And then I would like YOUR margarita, too, while you run up and get us new ones. :-)
I'm going to lay on the couch now, and wait for someone to bring me savory delicacies and rub my feet. Barring that, I'm hoping for uninterrupted Season 3 of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia and a wink.
:-) Cheap! But not easy.

The Wife O Riley said...

Did you kill the witnesses too? You have to kill the witnesses!

ICKY said...

The motto at my workplace is "I didnt say it was your fault....I said I was going to blame you !"
Deligate the blame !

SweetPeaSurry said...

Aww ... I hate it when I make mistakes, especially those that I can trace, but am to blame for anyway.


blessings dahlin!

Braja said...

Admit nothing

Anonymous said...

Mistakes do prove you are human. Which is good - because i was suspecting you were an artificial intelligence being for a while there.

SUEB0B said...

I have had several jobs that caused me to wake up in the middle of the night freaking out over mistakes, real or imagined. It sucks!

ugich konitari said...

"Blame has been placed. Steps have been taken. Procedures have been put in place."

I know you are waiting to finish the Margarita. Did you remember to order in the Tandoori Chicken ?....

Miscalculations ? Mine almost had an audit objection ... and the consequences cannot be put in print.

Mama Dawg said...

Yeah, I totally did the skirt in the pantyhose thing AND the monthly miscalculation on an office chair thing. Sigh......