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Friday, January 16, 2009

On The Corner of Yikes and Whoops!

I’m willing to bet that many of the places in the world are named after what happened there. Take, for example, “Burnt Land Creek”.

Hmmmm. I’m thinking that at one time there was a fire?

Or Hungry Horse, Montana? If you ever get too big for your britches, might I recommend a visit to the State of Montana? Montana is, as they say, “Big Sky” country; and they’re absolutely right about that. Your concerns are very small when faced by the bigness (bigocity? biggitude?) of the Rocky Mountains.

And how about the inexplicably named “Ham Lake”?

Ham Lake: as in “I do not want to swim in Ham Lake.”

I like the idea of places being named after what happened there, though; and I think we should carry on with that naming convention.

As has been established, I live in Minneapolis. Most everything that needs it has already been named, but I think I’ve identified some places that could still use a good namin’.

For example, Puking Woman Parking Lot. I know, I know. Too glamorous? And yet there it is, just a block from Ground Zero, the corner where I saw a woman – still clutching her cell phone, by golly! – throw up, repeatedly.

“Yeah, can ya – bleeeeeeeeeeeeeech! – come an’ git me? Tiffany an’ Crystal an’ Brittany – bleeeeeeeeeeeeeech! – lef’ me an’ I dun ev’n know where they are!”

Keep walking. Keep walking.

What about Sexual Contact Park? I love that place. Well, I used to love that place. Now I avert my eyes. Apparently Mom wanted you to wear clean underwear not because you might be hit by a truck but because you might accidentally leave your panties in the park…

You know who you are.

My calls to the City of Minneapolis go unanswered, but I’m going to keep after them. I really think I’m on to something here!

28 comments:

Julian Meteor said...

I want to take you to "All three positions" Alley!!!!!!!
rofl

Toivoa ja Elämän said...

not quite the same, but here in australia we've got a lot of obviously named places, thanks Matthew Flinders...
For instance, Kangaroo Island. What was the first thing he saw when he landed on the island?
...
Actually, it was a wallaby.
Slight difference.
There are more koalas than kangaroos on Kangaroo Island, but hey.
I looked up some more, here's another - "on one occasion eight members of his crew drowned when their boat sank while trying to search for fresh water. He named the site Cape Catastrophe and Memory Cove."
Of course, there's also Encounter Bay, where Matthew Flinders, er, encountered a French explorer while on his own explorations...

As for your suggested names for places, I like them (: They're creative and... fresh. Yes, fresh. If I were on the council of Minneapolis, I would approve! ;P

Julian Meteor said...

I ALSO want to learn where to put speech marks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IB said...

Maybe I should hang a plaque over my desk naming the space "nod off right after lunch".

IB

Pearl said...

Julian! All three?! All three?! I'm speechless...

Toivoa, Oh, my now I have to look up Matthew Flinders. And I'll bet I should know him, too. Rats!
Cape Catastrophe. That sounds like a lovely place to visit, huh?!

Julian, speech marks? Have I lost my mind? What does that mean?!

IB, I've named my desk "Dead End", which both describes my chances of upward mobility at work and the loss of sensation in my rear after sitting for most of an 8-hour day.

darsden said...

Pearl you are so funny!
Lick Skillet road around here always made me scatch my head. (so would it be a hot skillet)

The Retired One said...

So THAT's where my panties ended up.....and here I thought it was at Fraternity Lane.................

rachael said...

Ha ha, laughing out loud here.. definitely keep on it, if you name a place does you name go in the history books?

Julian Meteor said...

I LOVE the way Pearl is SO polite she feels the NEED to respond to EVERYONE!!!! lol

My Nan would LOVE Pearl.

Vic said...

My two favorites are Nimrod, Oregon (named after the mayor?), and for coolness, the Sea of Tranquility, which is on the moon, and so kind of hard to check out (but how could it not be tranquil?...)

Writing from "Dead Possum With a Taco Bell Packet in It's Mouth Lane"
:)

Pearl said...

Darsden, Lick Skillet Road. :-) That sounds like a good place for a party!

Retired One, :-)

Rachael, Maybe I can get my own road... (My parents actually named their house.)

Julian, Not only am I POLITE I also have ACCESS to the CAPS LOCK!
Actually, I just respond when I can for the first day and then it kinda goes by the wayside.
Anyway, don't you know that's what Minnesotans are known for? Polite-ness? Oh, and being Passive Aggressive.
See? You just got examples of both! Welcome to the Great White North. :-)

Vic! Nimrod? Really? My how words change over the years... We have a "Nowthen", but that's nothing like Nimrod.

Douglas said...

I sit here in Camp Chaos, ruminating on your disrespectful blog about place names. We, here in the swamps (I mean "waterfront property") of Florida, are familiar with oddly named towns such as Wachula, Palatka, Switzerland (how did that one get here?), Okeechobee, etc. All but a few named by the Miccosukee and Seminole Indian tribes that once thought they could avoid the White Man by living in the land of the Everglades. I learned early on that Pahokee (a small town on the east side of Lake Okeechobee) roughly translates to "Land of the Mosquito which carries off small children". That may have been myth, I am not sure.

The Jules said...

We have a Kidnapper's Lane near us.

Also, there's quite a few Smuggler's Coves about, which I presume were named after the smuggling was undertaken, as it would be a bit daft to name it during.

Bit like having a big neon sign pointing to "Secret Lair".

The Jules

http://gravelfarm.blogspot.com/

Irish Gumbo said...

Well, there is Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Don't get all hot an bothered, I think its in Amish country.

There is also a Bumpass in my former home state of Virginia. It's not too far from Short Pump (snicker), not sure if it has any thing to do with Bumpass.

And do you really want to know why there is a place called Blue Ball, Maryland? (ouch)

I think there may be a street in Baltimore called 'Crackandhoe Street', but I'm not sure...

Susan said...

Arkansas has a town called, "Booger Hollow," which I assume is named for someone's freshly picked nose. There's also, Deer, Arkansas which I'm assuming was named by an inbred conoisseur of the literal. Then there's "puliash" which is my comment verification code. I think that's deep Southern for "Puliash 'way from the t.v. S'time for suppah!"

Douglas said...

I love Google (I wonder if there's a town named "Google"?), just searched for "odd named towns" (and, yes, I know it should be "oddly") and came up with this:

http://www.americanprofile.com/article/21119.html

Check it out.

Julian Meteor said...

Douglas has TOTALLY ruined the game!!!!
rofl

Not The Rockefellers said...

There is a Dunkin' Donuts in my city that I call The Bum F#ck DD's because a Bum propositioned me there.

Peace - Rene

Ian Lidster said...

Thank you for visiting my blog. I love yours and want to come back again, especially since we do the same kind of stuff -- freelancing, I mean. I don't know about other stuff. I'd also like to add you to my blogroll.

Oh, and if you would like a Canadian place name, there is always Dildo Newfoundland.

The Wife O Riley said...

I named a parking lot in St. Paul, "Who the F&$% stole my MotherF%*%ing car!!!! way"

Michelle said...

I live on the corner of narcissist avenue and ME ME ME Lane!!! It's a very popular spot!!! You should come visit!!!!

Braja said...

Glad they don't do that in India, it could spell trouble:

1947 Bloodbath Lane
Indira Gandhi Shot Here Street
Rajiv Gandhi Torso Street
Rajiv Gandhi Right Hand Lane
Rajiv Gandhi's Left Foot Lane (etc.)
Sleepy Hollow (just kiddin'....)

KMcJoseph said...

How about Maryland City, Maryland...oooohh scary.

Ann's Rants said...

Pearl, you might just fall in love with me for this one. There is a rest stop off of either I90 or 94 called I think "Bong Recreational Area" Seen it? xoxo

steenky bee said...

Truth of Concequences, New Mexico. It's a real place. Awesome.

Janet said...

Shakopee, MN. I rest my point.

Also, I come from Walla Walla, WA, the town so nice they named it twice, home of (yes, really) Peu-Peu Mox-Mox and his Walla-Walla-Warriors. Good grief.

Jeanne said...

We've got a Stinking Creek Road here in Ohio...

Douglas said...

Julian's a tattletale, Julian's a tattletale.