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Sunday, January 4, 2009

O Sweet Mystery of Life…

The interwebs, as it is known hereabouts, has joined the vast number of things that are a part of my daily life without my having any understanding of how or why it works.

Do you know what I mean?

OK, for now, let’s leave the interwebs alone. Frankly, I’m simple-minded enough to be amazed that the ceiling stays up. Seriously! How does it do that? Why doesn’t it fall in?

For land’s sake, people, if it were up to me and my vast knowledge of, oh, nothing at all, we’d still be living in caves, fighting over mostly-gnawed knuckles.

I am continually surrounded by things that mystify me. For example, what about the white box in the kitchen, the so-called “microwave”? What is this thing that has taken the art of blowing up a hot dog from 15 minutes in boiling water to a mere two minutes?

Ceilings and microwaves are not the only things that confuse me. For example, I have no idea how the TV works. When I was very small, it was only in black and white and came housed in a piece of furniture the size of a twin bed.

Now? Once Willie and I have saved up enough money, our big, box-like TV will be replaced by a wafer-thin contraption that will hang from the wall and has a color picture so sharp you’ll think you’re having an acid flashback.

Fantastic!

And now that I’ve grown accustomed to dedicating anywhere from 25 to 225 minutes out of every day to writing, it’s become clear to me that I am sending myself out into the universe without a clue as to how it works.

Come to think of it, though, that’s what we all do, all day, every day, isn’t it? Step into a continually changing universe we know nothing about?

Hmmm. Oddly enough, I feel okay about that. The flat-screen TV, though, is still bumming me out.

30 comments:

Braja said...

omg I'm the same with ceilings: I don't care how many times someone explains cantilevered blah blahs and supporting beams or whatever, how the hell does that WORK??

Sheesh.

The Grandpa said...

The ceiling. That's an interesting question. Maybe that's why we have desks and tables. so we have someplace to crawl under when it does finally fall. Now what I'd like to know is what makes popcorn pop? I mean where does all that matter come from?

ladyfi said...

Grandpa: the matter comes from inside the corn kernels!

Ceilings: no, I don't worry about them caving in, except during an earthquake...

The wondrous thing is that I just take it for granted that all this tech stuff works! Without wondering why! OMG - I need to regain my curiosity and start thinking about why why why... No, hang on! I've kids who do that for me...

Karen McQ. said...

So true, so true. And don't even get me started on things like planes and helicopters. I spend entire flights wondering what in the hell is keeping this thing up. It just doesn't make sense.

Comedy Goddess said...

iPhone? Speechless. And envious.

Ann's Rants said...

I feel this way about all things financial/investments/stock market, too.

IB said...

I know diddly about jack.

I like it that way. Although my kid thinks I'm a doofus.

KMcJoseph said...

It takes you 2 minutes to microwave a hotdog? Is your microwave run by hamsters? It says on the hotdog package to cook it for 35 seconds.

:-)

Irish Gumbo said...

I read somewhere that what we call reality is really just a concensus hallucination, shared by us all. As time goes by, I am inclined to believe it. Plus, I am tired a lot, just happy that stuff works.

Not to cast aspersions, m'lady, but how would an innocent-looking creature such as yourself know about acid flashbacks? Not that i do, or anything, just curious (very big grin)

Ms Sparrow said...

Heeeeav-veee! Do I sense you're starting to brood?
Ms Sparrow

Diane said...

I feel that way every time I fly. I'm sorry, but there is no friggin' way anything that BIG and HEAVY should make it off the ground, let alone across the ocean. Know what I mean?

Oh, you know what's worse than being confounded, though? It's when you say you're confounded and some dull braniac opts to explain it all to you. My ex used to do that. Which is part of the reason he's an ex now. Know what I mean?

Jeanne said...

Okay, this is scary.

I actually understand how the internet works (to some degree, anyway), but no clue about the ceilings.

Great. Something new to feel paranoid aboug.

Adding you to my blogroll!

Pearl said...

Hi, Braja!
As my friend "T" would say: I know, right?!

Hi, Grandpa.
I like how you think!

Hi, ladyfi.
You are a practical woman, and I bow to your level-headedness.
:-)

Hi, Karen.
Oh, jeez. I hadn't even thought of that...

Hi, Comedy Goddess.
Witchcraft! I feel a Monty Python sketch coming on...

Hi, Ann.
Same here, although part of me understands all of that to be some sort of gambling mechanism.

Hi, IB.
:-) You and I are THIS FAR AWAY from having our memberships in the 21st century revoked...

Hi, KMcJ.
Yikes! How did that slip by?! You're right. I can pretty much blow up a hot dog in less than two minutes, although I have to admit I get some kind of warped pleasure in watching its little ends explode.

Hi, IG.
You know, I don't doubt that, that our reality has been collectively agreed upon...
As for acid flashbacks, have never had a "flashback". What's it called when you only get it the first time? Oh, yes. A "trip".

Where were YOU in the 80s? :-)

Ms. Sparrow, I am always THIS FAR AWAY from a good brooding. :-)

Diane, oh, that's a very good point. I've spent more than one party cornered by someone who wants to explain the mechanics of something to me, including (really) time travel, demonic possession, and diesel engines. Honestly, if it appears that it's not my FIRST beer in-hand, could we just skip forward to the part where we argue about politics and then hug? :-)

Hi, Jeanne.
I hope I haven't added to any architecturally-related phobias. :-)
Every day I look up, and every day my ceiling is still there.
But now that I think of it, I work on the 48th floor of a building -- that's a lot of ceilings aka floors...

Pearl

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

You are a terrific writer. If you don't do it professionally, you should. You tell amusing stories that are succinct and clever. Happy Sunday, Pearl...

Pearl said...

And YOU, Mr. Bud Weiser (if that IS your real name) are a clever and astute person. :-)
I want to write professionally. Soon.

Pearl

rachael said...

hehe, thats the beauty of getting older, you begin to feel Ok with everything. :)

TVs were black and white when I was young too, I still remember the first remote control we had, it had a wire from the box to the TV. :)

Douglas said...

It's very simple, really, al the things you mentioned are operated by magic smoke. Inside them, there is this magic smoke. If it gets out, they stop working. Trust me, I learned this in the Navy and later as a technician for the phone company (yes, I was one of the many reasons why your phone bill is exorbitant).

Oh, and try 25 seconds on high for that hot dog (thawed) or 2 minutes on 3 (frozen). Then wrap it in a tortilla with grated cheddar cheese, mustard, and maybe diced dill pickle and/or other condiments of your choice. You'll thank me later.

justsomethoughts... said...

some things (most things) are better left un-understood. cant clutter up the grey matter with things like ceilings.

Pearl said...

Hi, Rachael.
The remote with the wire... I'd completely forgotten about that one!

Hi, Douglas.
Magic smoke. :-) There's a blog in there, isn't there?!

Hi, justsomethoughts.
You're probably right. I've plenty of things cluttering up my brain's in-box lately. I'm lucky I remember my zip code most of the time...

Pearl

Bee said...

I was just thinking this very same thing! In fact, I was wondering if Blogger (never mind the rest of the Internet) had the capacity to just infinitely expand . . . what with all of our wise words and witticisms and pictures and YouTube downloads being uploaded and downloaded . . . or if, at some point, it will start to decompress or perhaps pop! (Like a balloon which has been expanded too much.)

And by the way, Pearl, I've seen you in several places which seem otherwise unlinked. Does this sort of thing intrigue and puzzle you as well?

Sweet Cheeks said...

I find that I am frequently befuddled by simplistic things, such as...What is the magical force that makes me sneeze exactly when someone is asking me a question? And why does the phone ring just as I sit on the potty? Mind boggling...I know. I attribute it to eating Playdough as a child...

rachael said...

LOL @ Sweet Cheeks

The Wife O Riley said...

Great! Now, I'm going to be up all night wondering about my celing and microwave.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Some things are better left mysteries. Like hot dogs.

Peace - Rene

SweetPeaSurry said...

Bloody well done. I've always wondered why oil starts leaking out of a car? Can't they make the oil holding thingamabob stronger? less likely to crack? What is UP with that? Surely it's not rocketscience.

Judy said...

Yes, that is an interesting question and I have no idea. I love your posts and you are a wonderful writer.

Michelle said...

I am constantly trying to understand how things work and why!!! Perhaps too constantly!!

Like who was the very first person to decide to go for a run and why??? What about skipping, whats that all about?? Hopping for that matter too!!! Pogo sticks??? Stupid stuff but i wonder....

We are alike like that i think!!!!

naperville mom said...

Wow! What a relief to know that not everybody can figure out the mechanics, like snap 1-2-3! Great post...tempted to add to my daily bloggers' list...

Brenda said...

Know what you mean, I wonder about the gas that gets piped in. Is that safe? Even electricity. I know I studied it, but. . .

Ronnica said...

Those things don't bug me (I have enough knowledge of physics and chemistry to get at least understand the background of it), but what I don't get at all are computers. How do they store so much information in such a tiny space? And all in 0s and 1s, too!