Cars used to know their places – on the street, in your garage, perhaps in an impound lot if the owner is particularly naughty.
Those were simpler cars. Cars happy to take you from one place to another. Cars with no aspirations other than a full tank, an oil change, perhaps a bit of action in the backseat…
But those were the cars of yesteryear.
Today’s cars? No respect. Filling the tank varies in price from a bag of groceries to a weekend get-away, dependent upon when you fill up. An oil change can no longer be done in the backyard but pretty much demands that the engine be removed. And the backseat make-out sessions of yesteryear?
Well, that’s still possible.
Not that I would know anything about that.
They talk to you now, you know: the cars. Yes, I know this has been going on for a long time. Don’t make fun of my technological backwardness!
I’ve got a friend with a car that warns you, verbally, that you have exceeded the speed limit.
“Slow down! You’re going too fast! Slow down!”
How’s that for annoying? Not only are we probably late for whatever we’re headed for but now we’ve got a disembodied voice on our collective backs. Sheesh! Back off, mom!
That kind of advice is not what I need to hear from a car. I’m thinking something more along the lines of “You look very nice today!” would be good. Better yet, perhaps something like “No one in this car but you is enjoying your music today…”
What I think we need to work on next are cars that talk to each other…
“Excuse me! You, the Mazda in front of me! So sorry to bother you, but it’s become clear to me that my driver hasn’t a clue what’s going on. Would you mind terribly if we passed? I’m afraid that if we don’t she’s going to rear-end you.”
For some reason, the talking cars in my mind have British accents.
So what else is coming down the pike? Will my washing machine make recommendations in the future on my clothing sizes based on wear and tear on the seams? Is my cell phone tracking pizza orders?
What do you suppose my television thinks of me and my viewing choices?!
It's a strange ol' world out there...