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Thursday, January 1, 2009

The Best Lookin’ Guy at Walmart

If you know me, and frankly, it certainly seems like you do, then you might suspect that I have opinions. Go ahead: give me a subject! I’ll bet I have an opinion on it – and if I don’t, I’ll bet I can make one up, right here on the spot.

I mention that so that I can mention this: I don’t like Walmart.

And I mentioned that so that I could mention this: Willie and I got a $50 Walmart gift card from his mother for Christmas.

I dislike Walmart. Cheaply made stuff; low wages; multiple lawsuits, both decided and pending, seeking to enforce, oh, the laws in the U.S. regarding overtime and benefits; the futile efforts of small towns to keep the Walmarts out in order to save their family-run businesses and keep their downtowns alive – those kinds of things get to me.

Hey! If you don’t like it, don’t go there/work there, right?

But then we got a $50 gift card.

Oh, sure. I could’ve bought $50 worth of toothpaste or something. But honestly, our house was built in 1904 – which means that we have no closet space. Where would I stockpile these sorts of things? On the porch?

But what we bought is not important.

What size I am in clothing made by tiny, tiny women in Southeast Asia is not important, either.

What’s important – and we’ve quite enjoyed this, Willie and I! – is that Willie was the best-looking man in that store.

What does it take to be the best-looking guy at a Walmart? Well, all your own teeth, to start with. Willie’s got that. He also does not appear to be in the third trimester of a pregnancy; he doesn’t wearing saggy old sweatpants; nor does he holler from one end of the store to the other, as one man did, that the “shit paper’s over here!”.

That's all it takes.

I’m one a lucky woman, people. 2009 is absolutely brimming with possibilities.

Hands off, ladies! I got me the best-looking man at Walmart!


Heinous said...

Lol... wow, that sounds just like our Wal-mart. They must release a phermone that draws them in. Happy 2009!

Braja said...

Yeah but Heinous, how come YOU'RE there....?

Diane said...

This made me laugh out loud! I call WalMart 'The Evil Empire', for many of the reasons you described, and only go there out of sheer desperation (which means about once every 3 years... if I'm unlucky). When my daughter finds out that something she wants is only sold at WalMart, her face falls and she says, "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." I'm a mean, mean mommy, I know. What gets me, though, is that the few times I've been there, I'M the best looking woman in the store! And let me tell you, THAT is saying something!! ;) Thanks for my first out loud chuckle of the day!

The Wife O Riley said...

I try to only go to Walmart when I am having self-esteem issues. It never fails to make me feel better.

KMcJoseph said...

Walmart is like the freak show of our time. Anytime I want to see a bearded lady, I know where to go.

Kavi said...

LOL ! Walmart has an international reputation that precedes them. there were protests here..even when the whiff of their entry was felt..

But unlike that...if you ever are coming here...You will get a royal welcome. You and the best looking gent !!


Sherri said...

Have you been in K-Mart lately?

You'd be the belle of the ball!

Not The Rockefellers said...

I try to avoid Wal-Mart at all costs...it's just migraine inducing and shoddily stocked.

Plus I am sooo Target's bitch.

But I must say that the Wal-Mart in my area is very good to the food pantry and shelter.

So I have to give them props for that.

But their business practices as a whole make me cringe.

Peace - Rene

Sweet Cheeks said...

When WalMart does their "Top 100 Sexiest Customers Calendar" you'd better send all of us an autographed copy!

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

What a wonderful sentimentalist you are! Happy New Year...

justsomethoughts... said...

ahhh crap.
i thought I was the best looking guy in walmart
i dont ever shop at walmart
pearl, we must be related
but, i will shop at target
so i dont know what that makes me
but anyway, i may just be the best looking man in taget
a small consolation, i know...

derfina said...

Kinda like bein' the purtiest girl in the trailer park, eh?

Brian said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brian said...

I hate Wal-mart! It sux. Don't ever get me a gift card for me there!


WV: coths
Def.: Thur you can thop there, but whatth the real coths?

Cassoulet Cafe said...

I just did a post on "Why I Hate Walmart", so I've totally got yer back here :) Nasty.

ladyfi said...

What the heck is Wal-mart? Apart from a place to meet gorgeous single guys, that is?

Red Squirrel said...

You have houses that old in america? *gasp*