The initial problem, of course, is that my television is on in the first place. This, I cannot account for.
And every now and then, I actually sit down and watch it. Normally it’s the background (when the iPod’s not on) but I’m obsessed with crime shows, shows with the word “forensic” in the title. I can’t seem to help myself.
What can I say? Human beings are fascinating.
But there’s a price to pay when you watch TV. First it’s the cable bill, and then there’s the real charge: being subjected to the commercials.
They say if you look anything like your passport photo that you’re probably too ill to travel.
May I also offer that if you are anything like the people in commercials you are too stupid to either use those products or mix amongst the general public.
My most recent irritations?
Gingerbread candles do not smell like fresh cookies, nor do boxed cookies look anything like fresh-baked and fool no one. I wouldn’t buy a Glade (glaw-day) candle if it came with a book of recipes of genuinely delicious no-carb desserts.
Commercials that include fresh-faced young families preparing for a party while doing their chores and singing Queen’s “We Will Rock You” cause me to leap toward the remote. There should be laws against using the songs of my youth to sell shit. I’m talking to you, Wal-mart.
The current trend in commercials of vapid, wide-eyed males playing the part of “Constipated Male” or “Man Confused by Yogurt” is dead in the water. Can we just move on to whatever other group the Marketing folk are going to mock next?
And regarding the commercials for male "enhancement"/"performance" and the smug middle-aged couples playing the horny people hawking these products? (OMG they’re so sure it will increase your size they will give you a week’s worth for free!) Ack. Do we really need to see these every 30 minutes? Are there that many people out there that believe you can order penis-expanding pills?
I know it’s not real. And I know I shouldn’t let it bother me. But who are these companies selling to?