I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Friday, December 12, 2008

Pssssssssssssssst. I Know A Guy.

I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows another guy, who can put you in touch with a guy for all of your fun-and-games’ needs.

Fun and games.

Wait. What do you mean, what does that mean? What do you think it means?

No, man. It doesn’t mean that. That’s sick.

I mean I know a guy who can put you in touch with a guy that will come over and be an extra hand at poker, listen to you tell that same worn-out story over and over again, a guy that will play Wii with you until the sun comes up.

That’s right – you can now buy a friend!

Extra Guy and its affiliate, Extra Gal, are available 24-7. Have your credit card handy!

Husband sick of board games? With Extra Guy, he can just keep sitting on his hind-end in front of the TV. His lack of participation is not a problem any more – not now that we’ve got Extra Guy!

Your wife a sore loser at poker? With Extra Gal, you’ll never have to explain what-beats-what again. Extra Gal knows her games!

Tired of explaining to your folks that being gay is not something you think you’ll grow out of? Why not hire Extra Gal for the holidays?

Extra Guy/Extra Gal come in a wide array of colors, religions, political leanings, and specialties. Need Chick-Flick Guy? Comes with a box of tissues. NASCAR Guy (also available as Drink-‘til-You-Puke Guy) comes with his own cooler.

There’s something for everyone!

Like I said: I know a guy who knows a guy who can put you in touch with another guy.

Seriously, it’s all on the up-and-up.


mbuna53 said...

So extra guy and extra gal are not available in stores?

I assume supplies are limited.

Kavi said...

Netowrking ! Networking Networking !!

The long arm of networking will get you to the something thats available for everyone !


tashabud said...

Way too funny, Pearl! Girl, it must be my lucky day today. I started my day at Lilly's life where I laughed so hard. From there, I've been laughing wherever I've visited so far.

About those extra guys and gals, you're pulling our legs, right?


Anonymous said...

Do they also have Extra Kid? I'd like an Extra Kid that will actually stop doing something when I tell them too...and take out the trash...yeah...that would be great.

Patricia said...

We've talked about what I'd like MY husband to do. I think hiring that out might be illegal in some states. LOL.

Braja said...

Hey, I could BE extra guy. Or gal.

derfina said...

We sure do know a lot of the same guys!

Trooper Thorn said...

A gift certifiacte for Extra- Guy/Gal makes a great stocking stuffer.

mbuna53 said...

Great idea Trooper Tom!

I'll hang some fishnet stockings by the fireplace, hopefully Santa will leave me an extra gal for the new year.

SassyTwoSocks said...

I would like Extra Kid for a few weeks so I can decide if I want a real one or not...

Comedy Goddess said...

Is there an extra me? Who would go to the events that I do not want to go to?
Actually, the possibilities are endless...

mbuna53 said...

Comedy Goddess, you are right!

That did not even occur to me.

I could get an extra me to lecture or grade papers while go for a bike ride or catch a movie! That would be awesome!

Pearl said...

Mbuna, are those your thighs?!

Hi, Kavi.
Sometimes it IS all about who you know...

Hi, Tashabud.
I am kidding. But I was actually thinking the other night how nice it would be to have someone you could call just to fill in on games, like when you have three people and really need a fourth...

Hi, Sweet Cheeks.
Dang it. I shoulda thought of Extra Kid!

Hi, Patricia.
From what I recall, it IS illegal but often available, nonetheless, on Craig's List... :-)

Hi, Braja.
And that would be lovely!

Hi, Derfina.
Well, I do believe we're on the same river -- or at least adjoining tributaries...

Hi, Trooper Thorn.
I'm hoping for an Extra Guy or two myself...

Hi, Sassy.
Just don't order the Extra Kid with any of the sides they offer. Extra Kid with colic is exhausting.

Hi, Comedy Goddess.
There is no extra you. :-) You'se de onliest one.

Same with you, Mbuna. The mold's been broken. :-)


Steve said...

What do I do if the Extra Guy hates me and gives me my money back?

Pearl said...

Steve, Extra Guy has no opinion about anyone one way or another. That's the beauty of it. He's your hourly friend.
Not like those other hourly friends.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Is there any service - maybe a religion, or something - offering Extra Guy and Extra Gal for free? I ain't never paid for it and I ain't gonna start now. (Good grief, Miss Pearl, I don't know what it is but there's somthing about your site that turns me into what I imagine ingewt America is called "a jock".)

BrotherO said...

That's a great idea! Rent a friend so I don't have to watch How To Lose a Guy In 10 Days over and over. Hey, wait a minute. That's what the kids are for! I'll bet for a buck or two, my son will be my proxy at the Sleepless in Seattle/You've Got Mail marathon!

Braja said...

I was wondering about mbuna's thighs also. Scary...

Pearl said...

Oh, Gadjo! Don't go all "jock" on me!

BrotherO, I like how you think!

Braja, it's a little freaky...


Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Can I sign up my husband to be someone else's Extra Guy? And if so, when can he start? ;)

Pearl said...

Hi, Amy.
:-) Can I admit that I hadn't even thought of that?!
Like I keep telling Willie, how can I miss you if you won't go away?!

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Who is Willie? And why do you want to miss me?! ;^)

Daisy said...

OMG It's settled. I'm giving myself Extra Guy for Christmas, the Colonel can sleep through the week and Extra Guy can listen to my parents and help with the washing up. Hell maybe I'll get Extra Girl to go with him and I won't even have to be there! Thanks Pearl!!

Pearl said...

Hi, Amy!
Willie is what I call my husband. :-) And it's HIM that I never miss because he never leaves.
You, I miss all the time. :-)

Hi, Daisy!
I am here to serve. :-)