I am wondering how many of you have the pleasure of a full, unadulterated appreciation of the words “month end”.
If you’ve ever worked in an office – and specifically anywhere near the stinking, sweating, number-crunching agony of it all – you will recognize the words “month end”, as synonymous with “lunch at your desk”, “over time”, and “carpal tunnel”.
You know, I didn’t set out with the desire to work myself into a lather once a month. But it’s been thrust upon me; and now that it’s here, well, I still don’t, as my father used to say, shiv a git.
Month-end, or “ME”, as we jauntily abbreviate it, is a time actually immediately following the end of the month wherein normal people gesticulate wildly at each other, speak in tongues, and write devastatingly polite e-mails regarding what they believe to be rightfully theirs and your role in it.
Good morning, Pearl!
How are you? You look great today, by the way.
Anyway, you and I spoke several times this last fiscal year, if you’ll recall, and you agreed to change several hundred line items in order to ensure that I got credit for work I’d done. Do you remember this? I remember this specifically.
I’ve looked for the e-mail where you told me you’d take care of it but cannot find it.
At any rate, I just checked my numbers for the first time this year (and I know you post them once a month – thanks so much! – and I really should check them but I’ve been terribly busy!) and I see that we – and by “we” I mean “you” – need to go back in time and re-do everything you’ve done since April to ensure I get the $37.45 I have coming to me.
Anyhoo, if you could get that done by 6:00 a.m. tomorrow, that would be great.
I think that’s fair, don’t you?
So the next time you see me, and you notice that my right hand has curled into a claw and my eyes are both crossed and scowling, I just want you to know what a super, super team player I am, and to know that it’s all worth it, just to continue to be gainfully employed, whether I shiv a git or not.
Terms of Endearment
29 minutes ago