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Thursday, December 25, 2008

It Certainly Left Room for Improvement

The first year of Willie and I’s domestic bliss/mutually-agreed-to partnering/legally binding marriage, we celebrated Christmas Eve quietly at home and then joined family on Christmas.

A first marriage, a first Christmas. Oooooh. My gift to him was already sitting in the garage, a red ribbon somewhat sloppily looped about a mid-range snowblower perfectly suited for the city. Not the most romantic gift, I’ll grant you, but a highly practical one.

How was I to know I was soon to be “out-practicaled”?

Willie got me two gifts that year and there they were under the tree: one was long, cylindrical, the other very thin and flat.

“Open it! Open it!”

I opened the first one.

An umbrella – an enormous black umbrella, the kind that perhaps a caddy would hold over you while you putted or maybe something that you could use in hand-to-hand combat.

My mouth dropped open.

“Wait! Wait!” He handed me the last gift.

It was a calendar.

Waaaaaaaaaaah! I burst into tears.

“But it’s a Lord of the Rings calendar!” he protested, confused. “Look! March is Legolas! Isn’t he your favorite?”

He shook his head, perplexed by this turn of events. “But you love the Lord of the Rings!”

Looking back, I’m no longer sure what, exactly, made me cry like that, but the next year I got a cashmere sweater and a bottle of very lovely perfume.

Merry Christmas, my bloggy friends.

18 comments:

Kavi said...

Hmm..thats the trick that i need to follow. Just wallop into tears..and voila a bottle of perfume follows...!

What a bummer i have been ! If only, i had known this !! Sigh !!
:)

Merry Xmas ! I hope the frozen front is a slight warmer with all practical gifts and tears !! I mean..tears of joy !

SassyTwoSocks said...

HAHA! He kinda deserved that...

Merry Christmas, Pearl!

derfina said...

Heh. The Unit once got me a vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day. Men can be putzes when it comes to gift giving.

justsomethoughts... said...

men can be trained. i am housebroken myself...

darsden said...

Merry Christmas Pearl...thinking about you-lol! It is 72 here, of course I'm in shorts...redones hohoho...white tee..hohoho hat... dang A/C turn the freak on...it's hot!!

Braja said...

Hey, you got presents today. Quit your bitchin' :)))

darsden said...

LOL

Eric S. said...

An umbrella huh? Well at least he learned. Merry Christmas.

Tenacious Tess said...

An umbrella and a calender? Wow, I would have cried too. Merry Christmas!

Sweet Cheeks said...

Ahhh...I made a declaration to the mister that I never wished to receive a household item for my Christmas or birthday presents, unless specifically requested. As we are still married...he has followed directions. :)
Merry Christmas!

IB said...

One year I got my wife a pipe wrench and a cap snaffler. Needless to say, she gets only fine jewels and chocolates now.

Lee said...

Could have been worse. A free dental check-up, perhaps.

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

Merry Christmas! A great anecdote..

ugich konitari said...

Many years later, you will realize the significance of these gifts. All you have to do is hint that you are really dying to get an unbrella holder thing for your next Christmas.

Then on a Minnesota summer afternoon, you can fix the huge umbrella in your yard, wear the sweater, dab some perfume, and have a wonderful glass of fine wine, as you turn the pages of the LOTR calendar....

I wouldnt think of hand to hand umbrella combat....

Merry Christmas Pearl, and have a PEACEFUL new year's....

Ganesh said...

Merry Christmas. Tears followed by.....perfume....cashmere sweater. I hope my wife does not do that to me on her birthdays.

I have started a blog:

http://toppingsfromthemind.blogspot.com/

Will appreciate your comments on my new venture.

Barbara Blundell said...

As a read 'garage' 'red ribbon' I immediately thought "Wow. a new car for Him- that's going it some It puts my few bottles of plonk in the shade "
A long cylinder - perhaps a rollin pin. ? Could come in to be very handy

The Demigoddess said...

Hey Pearl,

Merry Christmas! Last year, my ex-husband gave me..oh wait, I actually forgot what he got me last Christmas.

Angel

nsiyer said...

Umbrella is thoughtful - yeah for the rainy days.It can also serve a shield when you tend to cry often. Willie seems to be a genius.