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Thursday, December 4, 2008

I’m Scared. Hold Me.

From a certain angle, if I position myself just right, my living room is a warm and glowing postcard of a place at this time of year. The Christmas tree in the corner, the doorways draped in pine boughs, groupings of jovial Santas here and there – so pretty!

But if I’m not positioned just right – hey, who put that load of laundry over there?

Dagnab it! Why isn’t anyone folding my laundry?!

This does not work with the decor. I’m either going to have to go to another room, close my eyes, or fold my laundry.


Minus the holidays, I've always thought of winter as a foreboding place. The cold, the dark, the bare trees. With the need for electric lights the minute you wake up, the moment you get home from work, I’m thinking deep forest, I’m thinking Gretel’s outside avoiding her lousy stepmother, I’m thinking faces in the trees.

Thank you, Brothers Grimm.

My Grandma told me about a distant relative of hers, around the turn of the century, who went nuts in the middle of the winter – February, she thought it was – and chased his wife around the cabin with an axe.

Winter in North Dakota will do that to a person.

Luckily, though, he didn’t catch her; and they had supper at their usual time.

No point in an attempted axe murder ruining a good meal.

Of course, neither I nor anyone I know lives in an old Germanic forest or a one-room cabin in the middle of nowhere. But that doesn’t make my pile of folding-needy laundry any less scary.

O, what a silly, silly person I am. Seriously, am I comparing cabin fever and my sense that full-blown Old World forests sprout in the dark just outside my windows with my need to talk someone into folding my clean laundry?


Yes, I am.

This post brought to you by the Department to Distract Myself from the Cold-Dark Outdoors Department.


Adlibby said...

I thought I'd just spread my laundry out on the couch and lie on it like some luxurious throw while I gaze up at the Christmas tree... but now, I'm a little worried about those noises my husband is making in the garage... sounds like he's sharpening something...

Scott said...

If you get really desperate, hire a cleaner!

Pearl said...

Hi, Adlibby.
I like how you think!

Hi, Scott.
Funny thing is that I clean houses on the side! :-)


KMcJoseph said...

Chasing people with an axe burns a surprising amount of calories. Good for the cardiovascular.

La Belette Rouge said...

If you take all your stuff to cleaners they will put it all on hangers for you so you don't have to fold. Heh? I once took a bag of dry cleaning in and a a pair of undies had inadvertently found their way into the bag. My dry cleaners dry cleaned and hung the underwear.I was a bit humiliated when I saw them on the hanger.

Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub said...

Laundry is the villain in this post, not winter. Winter is just a time of year that comes and goes and laundry (shudder of terror and disgust) just. keeps. coming. ALL YEAR. Through every season it is there, waiting to be folded. Waiting to be put away. Waiting to be washed....

Oh, sorry! I think I was sharpening my ax while on that bleary-eyed, laundry-induced-tirade. :) Best not to bring up laundry again, Pearl. I might just lose it for real.

Braja said...

Oh, Pearl...you wanna borrow Anjana, my maid? She would give so much love to your picture-perfect living area...

Pearl said...

Hi, KMcJ.
I have certainly come from a long line of people capable of chasing one down, that's for sure. Who knew it stemmed from their insanity?!

Hi, La Belette.
Thanks for the smile! They took your underwear out, cleaned them, and hung them on a hanger. That's absolutely delightful. :-)

Hi, Amy.
OMG you're right. I'm getting rid of it! You'll find my laundry in a pile in the front yard. Wonder if my work has a policy on workplace nudity?

Hi, Braja.
A maid. *sigh* I think that would be nice. Is it nice? Or are there hidden factors that one doesn't think of until one has a maid? Hmmm.


SassyTwoSocks said...

Braja: I want a maid! I mean, I have a cleaning lady, but she only comes every two weeks, and she doesn't do my laundry. But she does change my sheets. That's a bonus. I hate changing sheets.

I like the axe murderer story. I think if it was my family, I would have altered the story to say that he successfully murdered his wife, was never caught, and his ghost haunts your family to this day.

a mouthy irish-catholic woman said...

BASTARD BASKET OF LAUNDRY. i have the cousin to yours in my house. i'm thinking of taking the weed eater to it.

Kavi said...

Ah ! The laundry. I dont look any further to proclaim that the problems of the world are universal !!


LarryG said...

stay warm please!
it's not that cold here.
When the North Dakota State Bisons came here to play in the Div II football championship in the 90s - they went swimming around mid December because it was almost 60 degrees :)

I was living in Florence AL then, home of the Division II football championship game

Steve said...

Laundrophobia is a much misunderstood condition and a help group needs to be set up forthwith. Until then I could recommend aversion therapy but I'm not that callous. Give it a good shake and then shove it in the wardrobe. It always works for me.

Heinous said...

That laundry is scary stuff. That's why I do the folding.

Comedy Goddess said...

In a couple of weeks it will be the decorations that are the annoying chore waiting to be done and put away.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Ugh, the laundry!! How about a laundry themed tree this year?

Everything looks better with a little tinsle on it!!

Just take that laundry straight from the washer to the tree.

Tell everyone you are being eco-friendly. That's right. Mask your disdain for laundry with the nobility of going green!

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

Hi, Sassy.
Maybe we can share a maid?!

Hi, there, Mouth Irish-Catholic Woman!
I laughed out loud (that's right -- I LOLed, but I'll deny LOLing). A weed eater might do the trick...

Hi, Kavi.
I think mankind may have done itself a disservice when we started wearing clothing that required laundering...

Hi, Larry G.
Oh, yes, we're a hearty lot. Wait 'til spring. It turns to 40 degrees and we're cavorting in sleeveless shirts and going barefoot.

Hi, Steve.
Frankly, I'm thinking of turning the dirty stuff inside out and wearing it anyway.

Hi, Heinous.
Folding. What is this "folding" of which you speak?

Hi, Comedy Goddess.
If I ever win the lottery, I'm just going to keep separate houses for the different seasons and holidays. Then I'll never have to put anything away again. :-)

Hi, Rene.
Now THAT, my friend, is an idea. A laundry-themed Christmas tree. :-) Brilliant. I only wish I'd thought of it and not you because I'm sure I could've worked it into the blog. Dang it! :-) Next year!!


Anonymous said...

The axe wielding man was chasing his wife around the cabin...not because of the endless, dreary winter days...but because she wouldn't fold the stinking laundry!...beware...he is coming for you...

Lilly's Life said...

Personally I just throw tinsle on everything in site - its magic and it can even make the laundy basket somehow respectable.

As for Braja I now know why she will never leave India - maid indeed! What village does she live in again? I am moving....

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I too hate to fold...Hubs loves looking for his clean socks in the big basket of clean clothes on the couch in the dark at 5 am...

Braja said...

Anjana is a jewel...I had 2 before her and they were NOT jewels. One used to move so damned fast, thinking it impressed me, but all it did was make me dizzy. The other one used to give me the evil eye for sitting down and having a cuppa with a friend. She got a bit "owner-like" after some time. Anjana is spectacular and nothing she does puts me off. I may have to introduce y'all to her...

June Saville said...

Yes all is clear now Braja ... I can't imagine that you'll leave India and your maid even long enough for the promised coffee and a red at Sydney's Rocks!
However Pearl condolences on the cold. Personally, we're into the season of swimming and picnics ...
And in Australia the laundry folds itself. (If you have enough reds that is)
June in Oz

Cassoulet Cafe said...

I'm currently scared of my 4 baskets of clean laundry scattered around my room, and one unpacked suitcase from last week's vacation.