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Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Hi, My Name is Pearl; and I’ll Be Your Mobile Shout-Out

Got a call this morning from my friend Mary. It was 7:30.

I answered it on the bus. “Hello?” I whispered. Miss Considerate-On-The-Bus, that’s me.

“Hey! Who’s that tatted-up guy on Celebrity Rehab right now? Super-skinny? Mighta been a singer and is now a crack head?”

“Seth “Shifty” Binzer,” I whispered, “from Crazy Town.”

“Thanks! I knew you’d know!”

Yep. I’m that girl. I’m your mobile shout-out.

Not on all subjects, believe me. You can’t trust me to know one astronaut from another, my answer to anything “Watergate” related is “Ehrlichman”, and I’m terrible with distances. How far is it from the Vatican to Geneva? I dunno. This far?

We all have friends like that, though, right? People we know that will answer the phone, people who know the weirdest things…

My friend RD, for instance, is a biology teacher. Ask him anything biology related, and he’ll tell you. For the price of a Whisky Tonic, RD will tell you everything he knows about the topic at hand.

And for another Whisky Tonic, he’ll stop.

I once watched him, this Viking of a man, drunkenly pull up a pant leg to explain the tibia profundis or femur talahatchee or whatever he was talking about… All I remember is that he was quite sincere about it, his leg up on the table, pointing out something terribly important.

If I could only remember what it was…

OK. So don’t call me about astronauts, Watergate, distances, or leg muscles.

Yikes. This keeps up, I’m going to lose shout-out status.


Anonymous said...

LOL...In my family I'm the computer and cell phone geek. I'm deeply into technology, so I tend to get those types of questions during frequent phone calls. But when my daughter asks if I know anything about fractions my glasses fog up. LOL

darsden said...

Pearl, I had to have a xanex when I saw the word Mobile...You know it also is Mobile Al..shaking can't write anymore... ( I am one of those too...I get calls in the middle of the night to answer music questions to settle a fight!)

Braja said...

I'm tired Pearl. Calcutta tomorrow, and I gotta leave at 5.30am. Need anything?.....

Comedy Goddess said...

There is a theory that anyone you want to call is only two phone calls away. To explain: If you want to talk to Madonna, you could. If you called the right first person who knew right second person to call.

Just passing along the idea...

Thanks for following my blog!

Ann's Rants said...

I hope someone took advantage and used you for "phone a friend" during the 'Millionaire' Regis heyday.

Anonymous said...

I could have really used you when I teenager...having been out all night...standing in front of my mom at 2 am...trying to explain where the hell I'd been...And me - with the 'OMG deer in the headlights' look on my face. I could've just dialed your number and you would've supplied the perfect shout-out alibi I'm sure... :)

SassyTwoSocks said...

If I were on Millionaire, I'd list you as my Phone-A-Friend person.

Pearl said...

Hi, Tabby.
Ah-ha! There's another one I'd forgotten: fractions to decimals or vice versa. I must've been sick that day...

Darsden did you think I was lurking in Mobile, AL somewhere?! Is there something about Mobile I need to know?!

Hi, Sassy.
I would be happy to oblige!

Hi, Braja.
I'm sorry to hear that! Calcutta? Hmmm. What does one buy in Calcutta? I could use a maid -- I think we talked about that...

Hi, CG.
You're welcome. :-) And say "hi" to Madonna for me!

Hi, Ann.
I've yet to be a shout-out for anything more than a free drink. :-)

Hi, Sweet Cheeks.
It's not too late to work on your alibis! (Nice to have them at your fingertips...)

derfina said...

Heh. Just add beer and I'm an authority on ANYTHING!

Pearl said...

Hi, Derfina!
It's amazing, but I'm the same way!
I'm a really good dancer with beer in me, too.

Patricia said...

If I'm ever on Cash Cab, I'll prolly call ya.


Tami said...

Celebrity gossip, TV and music trivia, and 80's movies....you need info on any of those topics???

I'm your girl.

Pearl said...

Patricia, I LOVE Cash Cab! Me and The Boy play it.
He thinks he can beat me.

Hi, Tami.
Perfect! I don't do well on movies, so now I know who to call (at least for the 80s!).


mbuna53 said...

Biology? What is that? I don't know nothing 'bout dat.

Now, ask me about which bar has the best beer in the East Farthing of the Shire, and I'm your man, er Hobbit.

Pearl said...

Frodo? Is that you?!

Not The Rockefellers said...

In my family I am know as the encyclopedia of useless knowledge.

Yep that's me.

Word Verif "plamnua"

A network user address for dyslexic palm readers.

Pearl said...

Rene, that is one excellent WV definition. :-) Hat's off to you!!


Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Oh man, that is so me! I have a head FULL of useless trivia! It must run in my family because my Dad was that way too and my youngest son shows signs of it too. I'd be willing to bet he's the only kid in the 5th grade who can name all of the Marx Brothers, all the state capitols, and all the major Civil War battles. We're a strange family, aren't we?

Gadjo Dilo said...

Hi Pearl, you must get a lot of the aforementioned Viking Men in Minneapolis - those kind of guys who just want to roll up their trouser legs, talk endlessly about something, then wrestle naked in the snow.

Blue Blaze Irregular #1 said...

I'm the music guy. Constant calls from all over the country, at all hours. I bet you get calls at odd times; I know I feel like a barfight arbiter. And I'm thinking we ought to get a percentage. That's all I'm saying.

Pearl said...

Adrian, just as long as they don't leave out Zeppo! :-)

Hi, Gadjo,
If by roll up their trouser legs, talk endlessly about something, then wrestle naked in the snow you actually mean roll up their trouser legs, talk endlessly about something, then fall face-first in the middle of the street, then you are correct, sir!
Great big hairy guys should watch their alcohol intake -- no one can catch them as they fall...

Hi, Blue!
I'm pickin' up what you're putting down.
Our brains won't come cheaply, dagnab it!!