I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

You Don’t Happen To Have The Time, Do You?

I’ve noticed a disturbing trend in my sleep patterns, and I think you should know about it.

Here it is: Every night, I wake up at 3:06. Every single night.

Well of course it’s to use the bathroom. And I’ve come to terms with that.

What amazes me, though, is that it’s always at 3:06. Always.

Twenty-five years ago, this would’ve wigged me right out. I would have already fashioned some either horribly gory tale about the dreadful murders that took place in my house at exactly 3:06 or a poignant tale of unrequited love that, well, somehow involves the numbers three-oh-six. I haven’t quite worked that one out yet.

And why? Because I’m a silly, gullible American made permanently irrational and superstitious by years of crap Hollywood movies, that’s why.

Dead people coming to life after they’ve been drowned/burned/thrown out of airplanes/blown into space? Well how else are we going to milk this to a sequel?

People leaping out of ridiculously improbable locations? Hey! Who doesn’t have something bursting through the interior of their waterbed? I’ll buy that!

Phone calls from beyond the grave predicting my imminent demise and what?! Speak up! What do you mean “will I accept the charges”? Sure! Why not?

Thanks, Hollywood.

Of course, I’m better now. Older and wiser and all that.

Unless of course I’m in the basement and the light goes out.

Or if I repeatedly get phone calls with no one on the other end.

No, really. I’m better now; and 3:06 or no 3:06, by 3:08 I’m back in bed, Liza Bean Bitey (of the Minneapolis Biteys) curled up next to Willie, Dolly G. Squeakers (formerly of the Humane Society Squeakers) pushing her wet little nose into my ear.

Now let’s see ‘em ruin that.


Braja said...

If I knew your number I'd call you at 3.06am and ask you in that Brian Dennehy voice, "Have you checked the cats?"

Oh wait...he was the cop....

SassyTwoSocks said...


KMcJoseph said...

That is so weird, I woke up at 3:06 am last night as an unidentified figure ran from my bedroom with my television.

Aria said...

Ok, that's just wierd, 3/06 is my B-day... Maybe you knew that I was going to give you THREE awards... which are waiting for you on my blog

Pearl said...

Hi, Braja!
That would actually make me laugh!

Hi, Sassy!
Weird, idden it?

Hi, K!
:-) That's funny.


Braja said...

OK, so slide me your number. And make sure Ms Liza Bean Bitey doesn't answer the phone. Ha! Not that she'd be IN at 3.06am....

Tabby @ ♥I Choose Bliss♥ said...

Wow! That is creepy!

Kavi said...

First it was the bathrooms ! Now it is the time to get there !! Is there some connection there !!!

But this 3.06 at recessionary times...! What does this mean !?!

Damn. I am unable to think of an answer. I am going to set my alarm to 3.06 and see how it works !

Pearl said...

Hi, Aria!
Now how did you sneak in there while I was responding?!

3/6 is your birthday?! Maybe that's it. Maybe if I send you a birthday card the time will go away!

Thank you for the awards! I will there there today!

Hi, Braja.
Actually, let's hold off. :-) I'm thinking of a trip to India (yes, really) in 2010. Are you far off the beaten path?

Hi, Tabby.
I honestly don't feel too freaked out by it -- but I do wonder: why 3:06?!

Hi, Kavi.
You will let me know what you will come up with, yes?
And let me know if you'll still be in India in 2010!


ICKY said...

At least you wake up to go to the bathroom. It'll be an interesting read when the waking up part stops.

Pearl said...

Icky, I hadn't looked at it that way, but you're right.
Funny, the things we find ourselves grateful for!

Braja said...

Pearl!! OMG!! A visitor!!! YEEEHHAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Does that give you a clue?

I'll be here waitin'. If it's too far, I'll find ya...

Not The Rockefellers said...

Pearl , seriously, I am having the same weird thing except I am 3:14. Are we supposed to be doing something. Are we in the Justice League of Insomniacs? Should we be meeting up in a superhero lair somewhere? I have no superpowers just a very strong and sensitive sense of smell.

Sleep in heavenly Peace - Rene

Word verification: sawlikin

a dangerous and disturbing new teen craze.

Scott said...

Don't challenge them. They'll do it!
They can ruin ANYTHING. Transformers, for example.

Barbara Blundell said...

Pearl,I am familiar with this problem. Vampires are known for roaming around in search of sustenance in the early hours. You must be booked in for a 3.06 snack and they are very punctual creatures Try wearing a garlic necklace in bed and you shouldn't be troubled any more. It worked for me

~Static~ said...

Hi Pearl!
Thanks for your comments at my blog. I'm currently following you, feel free to add me to your list of followed blogs too. =)

3:06am every morning, you say? That is weird and lol it's funny that you chalk it up to a Hollywood-type horror movie.

I bet it has something more to do with your circadian rhythm being out of whack. You can read more about circadian rhythm sleep disorder here.

Good luck with your creepy 3:06am horror story, and don't forget to make sure all the doors/windows are locked, before then... just in case.


Pearl said...

Braja, I think it would be a hoot, don't you?!

Rene, I think you may be on to something there! I, too, have quite a keen sense of smell... Do you suppose we have some sort of gift, a higher purpose?!

Scott, You've got that right. Hollywood has run out of ideas and is now just busy violating the audience...

Barbara, I have several cloves in the fridge. That won't be enough. Hmmm. How many supernatural creatures can I repel with five cloves of garlic, some ketchup packets and a whole lot of leftover turkey?!

Hi, Static! Nice to meet you. I will certainly follow you but have to do it from another computer, for some reason. I dunno! Look for me on Monday!