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Friday, November 21, 2008

That Monkey’s Really Going Places!

I was thinking about trainable monkeys today, thinking about the ones that answer the phones and light cigarettes for quadriplegics…

I don’t always think of monkeys. But somewhere in my mind is the idea that there are parts of my job to which a monkey may pay more attention...

A minor misunderstanding recently regarding the number of copies required for a meeting had me dramatically overprinting a document needed right-freaking-now to the tune of at least one Douglas Fir.

OK. Maybe not a whole tree. Maybe just a good branch.

What is the tree-to-paper ratio, anyway?

And as if being ecologically suicidal weren’t enough, to suffer the look of disappointment and incredulity on my boss’s face! Have you seen that look? It's the look that says, “We’ve spectacularly under-estimated your ability to take direction, Pearl; and we’ve hired a well-dressed and reasonably intelligent monkey to take your place. You may go now.”

I hate that look.

In all fairness to me, the directions were vague and 20 minutes prior to their deadline.

And in all fairness to him, he didn’t know he needed them until the last minute.
But that’s how it is, isn’t it?


I'm thinking of bananas for dinner tonight! Take-out.

22 comments:

mbuna53 said...

ya know what goes good with bananas? termites on a stick, oh wait you were talking about monkeys, I'm talking 'bout chimps.

Pearl said...

No no no termites on a stick are sounding good right now, mbuna! A banana, a termite on a stick, and Starbucks. Mmmmm. Good eats.
Pearl

Aria said...

A monkey wouldn't have your style sense... but I know that look, Lord do I know that look! Don't miss getting it either; my son hasn't learned to give me that look yet, and hubby #2 wouldn't dare cause he knows he'd wind up ex #2 before he got the next breath out of his body... LOL

Pearl said...

Hi, Aria.
True dat! I still have the edge on that monkey with my ability to accessorize. :-)
Pearl

derfina said...

Hey, Pearl-Holler at me. You won the IPhone giveaway! I need an address to mail it to.r

Susan said...

Uh, hello? Does it tell you something that he gave the job to you because he couldn't cope himself? And I'm thinking FRIED bananas might just hit the spot.

Old Knudsen said...

Welcum to my life gurl. During the many years I worked as a turd in a punch bowl the rule was 'give all the work to the busiest person' as then it would get done. I often wondered why the other turds were there floating around with nothing expected of them but I don't think they cared about the flavour or the quality of the punch while I did. Maybe a monkey threw the poo into the bowl who knows?

Yer kinda hot are you interested in one night stands with old men?
It says in the Bible if you don't ask you don't get so don't go saying I'm a perv I'm just observing my religious beliefs.

Pearl said...

Old Knudsen, you shoulda cautght me last week. I woulda bin all over it.
:-)
Pearl

Tami said...

Here I was all ready to comment about your post...and I got completely sidetracked by the following:

a) You won a free iPhone? For real? That ROCKS!!!

b) Old Knudsen - he wants your bod. And he's surprisingly endearing in his advances. And he spells "flavor" the British way with an "ou" in it...which is cool and maybe he might have a British accent. You should really think about it.

I'm sorry...What was your blog about again? I got distracted by the comments.

Monkeys...okay. I'll get back to you.

Daisy said...

Well as long as the monkey remembers to blog and keep us all updated on his antics, then yeah, you can go. I love the idea of him being well dressed!

Pearl said...

Hi,Tami!
He is a dear ol' thing, idden he?! We'll see how it goes. I think I see a flight to Jolly Ol' in my future! wink wink!

And yes I did! Now I suppose I'll have to learn how to use it!

Hi, Daisy.
The monkey IS well-dressed, but he has problems with time zones.

Pearl

Anna Lefler said...

"I don't always think of monkeys."

Best quote of the day!

Love your blog...thanks for becoming a follower on mine!

:^) Anna

ICKY said...

How could you not think about monkeys all day?

La Belette Rouge said...

Have you seen Eddie Izzard's bit about monkeys with guns? I think you might like it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mmtX6Tj74oU

Funniest line I have read today: "I don't always think of monkeys." LOL!

Pearl said...

Wow, I stumbled across a fellow Pearl. I am enjoying your blog and your sense of humor!

Braja said...

Ohmigod, another Pearl???

HowYouDoin' said...

you really had bananas for dinner? i`ve tried them for dinner, but i woke up in the sleep hungry. Bananas are not good enough for dinners i believe.

Braja said...

oh, and Pearl? You're nuts and I love you

Anil P said...

Except that monkeys might as well turn around and say, "we would rather have the trees than the paper" :)

Pearl said...

Hi, Susan.
How'd you sneak in there?!
Or Bananas Foster. Or my mother's Banana Cream Pie.
Oh rats. Now I need to make a pie.

Hi, Anna.
I liked that one, too. :-)

Hi, Icky.
I know, right?

Bonjour La Belette,
No, I hadn't seen it and THANK YOU!

Hello, Pearl.
Pearl -- the beautiful result of years of irritation, don't you think?! :-)

Hi there, Braja!
Frightening, isn't it, so much love in the world? :-D

HowYouDoin, how you doin'?
To tell you the truth, I had cereal for dinner. How is that for lazy? Dry cereal in a bowl of milk. :-)

Hi, Anil.
Yes, there you have a point. In honesty, I got over the disappointment on my boss's face much faster than I got over the pointless los of all that paper.
True!

Pearl

Not The Rockefellers said...

How did I miss this post?

Didn't you ever see "Monkey Shines"?

Ohh, that'll make you think twice about the trainable monkies.

Peace - Rene

Word verif: Gatio

Where cats fluent in Espanol hang out and smoke.

Pearl said...

Oh, Rene that's the best word verification definition I've seen yet. :-)
Pearl