The other night at Misfit Thanksgiving, I was having a cigarette out on the porch – as is my wont – whilst also having a beer.
Woo-hoo! It’s a party!
And just as a quick aside, I know smoking is bad. I know it’s self-destructive, and I also know that there will come a day when I just don’t bother to light up. I don’t smoke every day – I’ve never been that kind of smoker – but at a party, with a beer and my friends telling stories? Cigarettes and beer. Mmmm.
But back to the porch.
Drink talk smoke.
I look down, and the cigarette is going out. What the? So I take a slightly deeper drag, you know, to make it catch fire again. Hmmm. This is weird. Why is my cigarette going out?
Talk smoke, talk smoke drink.
I look at my cigarette, and it’s going out again. Is it just me?
OK. Show of hands, party-people! Who else’s cigareet won’t stay leet?
Everyone. Everyone’s cigareet won’t stay leet. And in Minnesota, they won’t stay leet as of November of this year, apparently.
“You know why, doncha?” Mary says. “They’re FSC now.”
FSC: Fire-Safe Cigarettes.
There you have it: Fire-Safe Cigarettes. The very things that are designed to burn have been re-designed to not burn.
Huh? I don’t need the United States helping me put out a cigarette!
But apparently someone does, because someone, somewhere, has decided that the people who drop cigarettes in their couches, the people who fall asleep while smoking in bed, need to be saved from themselves.
And because of that, you need to smoke twice as hard to keep the $@#ing thing lit.
It’s two days after the party, and I’m still confused by the concept of a cigarette that will not stay lit.
And there it is: more stuff that doesn’t make any sense to me.
That is all.
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