I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Monday, November 10, 2008

Ode to My Daily Coffee

O lovely coffee, hot mug of life-affirming caffeine. Elixir of the morning, jump-starter of the workday, feeder of my brain, how can I communicate my love?

Well, I suppose there’s the $2.10 I spend every morning at Starbucks (not including the nickel I feel obligated to tip the person for walking my coffee the two feet between the machine that made it and my waiting hand). After all, what says love more than a daily habit? I know, I know – huffing glue* would be cheaper; but I suspect it would slow my ability to type like a typhoon. That and it’s just so undignified. Honestly, no one lines up at 7:20 in the morning for glue, do they?

Do they?

Speaking of which, if I start tucking a bit of coffee grounds between my cheek and gums, if I start lying about how much coffee I’ve had in a day or eventually do so much coffee that I am just too alert for work and other social obligations, do you think I stand a chance of meeting Dr. Drew Pinsky? Don’t tell Willie, but since I’ve started watching Celebrity Rehab I may have developed a “thing” for Dr. Drew. What a man.

But enough about me and my love of Dr. Drew! Let’s talk about me and my love of coffee.

What’s it look like, this love of mine? Step forward, friends, and peer into my Coffee Cup of Happiness.

O artificial mood lifter, creator of additional time in my day, quickener of my pulse, coffee smells like productivity. Faster than a cat convinced it’s Treat Time, I inhale the aroma and my spirits rise. I have the energy, nay, the desire, to answer the e-mails in my Inbox in their varying degrees of clueless-ness, to file things that will never be looked at again.

Coffee is my incentive, my love, my low-key addiction. It may not get me an audience with Dr. Drew, but it will get me through the morning.

* No one really thinks that huffing glue is a good idea. I just like the word “huffing”.


derfina said...

mmm...Starbucks...You always get my pavlovian response thing going!

Braja said...

Mmmm Starbucks. And just what are you trying to do to a girl who lives in a village, far far away from any such luxuries.
Pearl, you got a photo of Ms Liza Bean? C'mon, quit holdin' out....

Pearl said...

Hi, Derfina. Mmmm. Drooling for coffee...

Hi, Braja. A village? Why in the world????
Actually, I do. I haven't gotten a digital camera yet (speaking of living in a village...) but I do have a picture I could scan in. I will have to post that for the next installment of "Liza Bean Bitey, Undercover Kitty".


The Grandpa said...

Hi, Pearl. I got off copy a couple of months ago and have been drinking tea ever since. Have never felt better. And there is a lot of upside to it. If I make my tea one cup at a time, there's just too much work involved in making it to drink it in excess. And also, since I drink less of it and it has less caffeine, there's nothing interferring with my taking a nap at my desk.

Pearl said...

Grandpa, I have difficulties taking a nap at my desk. I thought it was because my boss keeps poking me with a stick, but it could be the coffee... I hadn't thought about it before!

Braja said...

Pearl, I only like cities for shopping and coffee. I just buy it and bring it home to my beautiful little quiet peaceful village, where the mist is rolling across the river this morning, and oh yeah, some idiot is hammering like mad out my window...coffee time baby...feel free to send bags of it to me anytime.

'cuz I'm the mommy, that's why! said...

I wish my coffee still worked that well...maybe I should try Starbucks!

Adlibby said...

Now what it the name of all that's caffeinated can you buy at Starbucks for $2.10? My mocha is $3.85 and sometimes, when I'm really naughty -- I get a raspberry scone too! Dreamy! I have no personality whatsoever until I've had my Starbucks (yes, it HAS to be Starbucks!) mocha.

Dr. Drew & Celeb. Rehab -- one of my other addictions. Like a train wreck at the depot! Must watch, can't stop... somebody help!