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Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Unbearable Muttering of the TV Set

I don’t really have much time today. My throat is sore, I have, as they say on the East Coast, a wicked bad headache, and then there’s all that muttering the TV is doing.

“There ya go, sickie. Grab the remote and turn me on. Ohhhhh, yeaaaaaaah.”

It’s an older model, and frankly, kind of a pervert.

Why does it torture me so? What did I ever do but watch it, dust it, and yes, even love it? Why am I such a sucker for this nasty little appliance? Why? Why, when it offers me so very little in return?

Maybe the TV isn’t entirely at fault. Maybe it’s me and my utter lack of taste. Because it’s not like I’m watching the finer shows. I’m not watching Masterpiece Theater or even the History Channel, for cryin’ out loud.

Don’t you go trying to teach me, dammit! Oh, no. I’m watching I Love the 80s. Cops. Political commercials.

You know. Garbage.

When the TV is on, I lose my ability to hear others. I lose my peripheral vision. I have proof that I lose my sense of taste (I will not horrify you with the list of take-out foods that I have shoved in my face while watching TV) and there may even be evidence of a loss of smell, but honestly those stories are even worse than those corroborating my loss of taste.

I don’t believe this is a congenital condition. That is, my grandmother would have never done this. My mother? My sister? I doubt that they get sucked into the TV. They’re not the types.

So why am I so special?

I’ve got to run. What Not to Wear is on, and I’ve only seen this one once.


mbuna53 said...

You remind me of my brother. Ya both read, and you're both pretty smart, but man does he watch some crappy TV shows. Not that I don't watch some crap too, but not that much.

BBC America, here I come.

Tami said...

At least you're not (ahem) watching Rock of Love: Charm School like I would be. I'm admitting it. I'm coming out of my I'm-addicted-to-train-wreck-reality-shows closet.

Join me.

Pearl said...

Hey, Mbuna.
Yeah, I don't know what it is. It's as if the TV gives me license to turn off my brain....

Hi, Tami.
That was very zombie-ish of you. "JOIN ME..." :-) LOL
Would you think less of me if I admitted to watching "My Fair Brady"?!
Ha ha. Seems I'm either quite intelligent or ridiculously stoopit.

Kavi said...

At the couch potato ! I used to hate it when my brother used to watch those WWF matches on TV. endlessly. the remote used to be hidden away...

Gosh..life was tough ;)

Not The Rockefellers said...

Project Runway, anyone?
And "How Clean is Your House"?

I go through periods of time where I totally binge on the VH1 junkfood.

Right now I'm good.
But throw a Rock Of Love marathon at me?

I'm so at their mercy.

Peace - Rene

Pearl said...

Hi, Kavi!
WWF? Everyone knows how fake that is! ha ha (Because the lousy shows I watch are SO real!)

Hi, Rene!
Oooh. "How Clean is Your House"!!! Love the before and after-ness of it all and the fact that they don't throw a whole lot of money at it, it just gets all tidy and clean...

Lilly's Life said...

Hey Pearl do you actually get control of the remote in your house - I often wondered what the remote looks like......As for junky TV, see busy brains like yours need a bit of downtime to rest and recuperate so you are well advised to watch as much c**p as you can! I feel the same way with magazines. I am now weaning myself off them one by one.......

Pearl said...

Hi, Lilly!
The remote is a lovely rectangular object that changes the channel, adjusts the volume, and reduces your IQ each time you pick it up.

We're actually better off not even touching it, but I think it also oozes a narcotic, so results may vary.


ugich konitari said...

Will all the hard work and constant thinking about jobs, will they last, banks, will they last, Republicans , will they last , etc etc, the brain needs some time off.

(i dont even live in your country, but I just watched a reality dance show where the winners got married to each other on TV ..... :-)