It is roughly 5:45 in the afternoon on a Monday afternoon, and I am, as is usual on a Monday afternoon, on my hands and feet upside down and staring at my knees: Downward Facing Dog. The yoga instructor is speaking.
“Keep your mind on your breath. Never lose sight of the breath. Turn down the busy chatter of the mind and focus on the breath.”
The cadence of her voice reminds me of the summer at my Grandma and Grandpa’s farm when I decided that I was going to read the bible from cover to cover. I don’t remember if I made it – I don’t think I did – but I do remember the strange emphasis on certain words: And it was good.
The yoga instructor is still speaking and it not only sounds biblical but evangelical, with a definite Southern accent.
“Igniting the breath of victory, ex-HALE, een-HALE, ex-HALE, een-HALE.”
In no time, of course, my mind has twisted the words to “exhale in hell, exhale in hell”.
Is this what I pay for by the month, auditory hallucinations?
Well, sure. Why not? Look at all the things we pay for – shoot, I bought a headache (which originally came in the form of a number of beer bottles) just a couple weeks ago. I’m not saying I regret it, actually. As a matter of fact, seems to me I had a good time.
I just had to pay for it twice.
Meanwhile, I’m still upside down, which only makes sense on a Monday.
23 minutes ago