I've contributed to perhaps the best humor compilation I've ever read. Available now on Amazon!

My second chapbook, "The Second Book of Pearl: The Cats" is now available as either a paper chapbook or as a downloadable item. See below for the Pay Pal link or click on its cover just to the right of the newest blog post to download to your Kindle, iPad, or Nook. Just $3.99 for inspired tales of gin, gambling addiction and inter-feline betrayal.

My first chapbook, I Was Raised to be A Lert is in its third printing and is available both via the PayPal link below and on smashwords! Order one? Download one? It's all for you, baby!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Liberals Are Trying to Ruin Our Country and Other Hysterical Drivel

While I normally try to steer clear of controversial subjects – at least in my blog, and particularly with people I don’t know or don’t feel like fighting – I can’t keep my mouth shut for long, and not at all when the subject means a lot to me.

People who know me well know this.

There are a couple of people I love dearly who disagree with me vehemently on the subject of politics; and so, to them, I suggest that what I write next may not make them happy – nor is it compulsory reading! We can remain in wild disagreement. We are free to entertain and express our own thoughts.

And so to them, I respectfully assert that I have held myself in check for their benefit, not wishing to hurt them; and that it’s not difficult to start and write a blog yourself.

The following is, therefore, not so much pointed in the direction of either candidate for President of the United States, but rather at the election process that has become a discourteous, uncivil screaming match that has torn whole families apart. It didn’t used to be this way, but it is now.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I submit for your reading pleasure/horror my impression of the Hysterical Race for the White House – 2008 as delivered to the citizens of This Great Land through the television, radio, e-mail, and, yes, blogs.

(I have signed nothing saying I promised to be fair, and I think any jury in the land will find that to be true.)


Citizens of the United States! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Can you trust your neighbors?!

My esteemed opponent eats babies for breakfast, wants to instill a mandatory end-of-life requirement of 65, and wants to take any mention of God out of all aspects of your life in an effort to persecute Christians - and only Christians!

The homosexuals want to recruit your children! The liberals want you to have an abortion! The atheists want to outlaw prayers in private homes! The mainstream media is trying to ruin this great nation of ours! Our freedoms can only be safeguarded through wiretapping and pre-emptive strikes against foreign countries!

Paid for by the If We Keep You Fearful And Hating Each Other You’ll Be Putty In Our Hands Committee.

Thank you.

10 comments:

acute_disaster said...

::sigh::

This is why I tend to block this information out of my head because its so ridiculous what Americans and America have come to.

Maybe it'll cool down once the president's elected. But I highly doubt it.

And I noticed you listen to The Arctic Monkeys! YOU ROCK. Man, no one listens to them, and when they see me jammin' on my Zune, they're always like, "Hey, what are you listening to?"

Then I proceed to tell them, "You probably won't know who they are."

"Sure I do. Tell me."

I reassure them they've never heard of them and they still want to know, as if they're some music genius who knows every band ever created or thought of.

"The Arctic Monkeys."

"Oh. Never heard of 'em."

:|
No kidding.

Lol.

-AD

Tenacious Tess said...

This election has brought out ugliness in people that I never thought would come out of them. All of the closet racist friends I know have come out of the woodwork and the bible toting zealots have sunk to new lows (as if that were even possible) It's really opened my eyes to the true internal natures of people I might not have otherwise seen. Great blog by the way!

Chris Cope said...

I have always been amused by the idea of homosexuals "recruiting." I envision them setting up tables in high schools and handing out various swag: "Would you like a pen that plays 'I Will Always Love You'? The Dolly Parton version, of course. Keychain, honey? Sign up here and we'll give you a (very tight) T-shirt."

Pearl said...

Hey, Acute! :-)
Arctic Monkeys DO rock!
Hi, Tess!
Glad to see you. I have family members that I now refuse to talk politics/the future with. (Terrible sentence, but you know what I mean!)
Hi, Chris!
I also picture the "Gay Agenda" people giving away toasters and chances at a seaside get-away for people who bring in the most recruits in a sexual-preference ponzi scheme.
Pearl

8 said...

:-D

I enjoyed this, and it's true.

No matter what, it's always between a giant douche and a turd sandwich. We just have to hope for the lesser of two evils.

Eric S. said...

LOL, I totally agree. Wouldn't be nice to have a candidate be honest and straight forward with out trying to sneak around and bite the opponent in the ass like a rabid dog. It would be nice to hear some real strategies, not just the "Well my opponent did this".

Great post with a little comic light on our ever depressing elections.

Lilly's Life said...

I saw this written somewhere and it applies to politics all over the world

The word politics is dervied from the world 'poly' meaning 'many'
and the word 'ticks' meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.

Says it all except the media tycoons are even bigger parasites.

Adlibby said...

Pearl, you are my new BFF. I have such a hard time biting my tongue on this topic. I'm gobsmacked almost daily now by the things that I hear from friends, and even my own mother. I live in Kansas, the Bible Belt, the land of "we don't believe in teaching science." Egads people!

Adlibby, a proud liberal.

P.S. I had heard that you get a toaster. And I had friend tell me one time that I am LOL -- left of lesbian! That's pretty far left, hunh? I'm thinking of getting a tshirt made.

June Saville said...

Goodonyer Pearl - you can't ignore reality. And change won't happen by itself.
Cheers
June in Oz

sage said...

Sorry Liberals, you can't ruin this country, the right-wing anti-regulation nuts beat you to it!

You have an interesting blog--I also enjoyed your post about the 70s which bring back memories.