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Thursday, October 30, 2008

The Cat’s Looking for a Job

The downstairs people have come looking for their newspaper. Again. Earlier in the week, I could honestly say I didn’t know where it was; but this morning, I’ve been forced to lie.

“No, sorry. I can’t imagine what’s happened to it.”

Except I can imagine what’s happened to it. As a matter of fact, I know what’s happened to it.

It’s that damn cat again.

Ever since the scuffle over the catnip the other day, wherein Liza Bean and Dolly Gee came to blows over who got the last of it, things have been oddly quiet.

Then yesterday, while digging through Liza Bean’s yoga bag, I found a note: emploi de recherché.

That little S.O.B.!! You know, it’s not the fact that she is looking for a job – I mean, there’s no call to scribble in “shrimp cocktail” on the grocery list every week unless you’re going to help pay for it! – it’s the fact she’s attempting to keep it a secret by writing the reminder to herself in French!

Sacre bleu!

Of course, now I see it. Now, the signs are everywhere. It's not just the rolled-up want ad section on the floor of the bathroom this morning. It's the incessant grooming, the new boots, the way she runs to the door when the mailman comes. She hasn’t shown this much sparkly-eyed enthusiasm since I found that fish in my coat pocket.

She claims to not know anything about that, by the way. I’m pretty sure it was her, though. Dolly is more of a I-Left-a-Hairball-in-Your-Shoes kind of cat, while Liza Bean Bitey is more subtle, preferring to hide in the shadows while watching the bewildered expression on your face as you pull, say, a fish from your pocket…

Ah, well, if it will keep her busy and help pay for that trip to the Mayan Riviera she’s been yowling about, I’m all for it.

Wait’ll the gang on the bus gets a load of Miss Bitey.


The Grandpa said...

Nine lives, bilingual, and a resume'. That cat is cool.

Pearl said...

Grandpa, that cat is a huge pain in the butt. :-)

Braja said...

That cat can come work for me...must be willing to wear a sari, speak fluent Bengali, and deal nicely with local mongoose population.

Pearl, honey, you're on my blog today, you big star you...

"I'll See Your Puff Daddy & Raise You a Miley..."


Susan said...

YOU, my dear, have yourself some high maintenance kittehs. Wait, that's redundant, isn't it?

Lilly's Life said...

Pearl its a sad, sad day when I have to confess that I am ever so slightly jealous of your cat. She has sparkly eyed enthusiasm, speaks fluent french and is planning a trip to the Riviera. As soon as she lands that job Pearl she is going to be out that door as fast as you can say ...Au Revoir! Be prepared for the onset of Empty Nest Syndrome - this cat is going places! And something tells me she will never look back!

Pearl said...

Hi, Braja.
I spoke to Liza about the mongeese (mongooses?) and she roller over and went to sleep. :-)

Hi, Susan.
Good point!

Hi, Lilly.
You know, I'm going to miss her! The little mouser has some sweet habits that I may have to share in the future...


ugich konitari said...

There is a little kid downstairs whose visiting grandma is leaving, and he wants someone to come and mess around with the knitting wool ball, so her completion of a sweater she is knitting gets indefinitely delayed. This will force her to stay back.

Do check with Liza. (On offer : Tandoori chicken once a week).

And yes, we will understand if she decides to vote for Obama and Then come. Every vote counts. Against elephants....

Lucy Fishwife said...

Pearl, take a leaf out of my book - I give my cats a healthy and nutritious breakfast every morning, and one of them is currently running the Bank of England, while the other is Shadow Chancellor of the Exchequer. can't say they're good at what they do, but hey, they followed their dreams...