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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Cars That Go “Boom”

With all respect due to the owners of the cars that I can hear coming from a number of blocks away – assuming, of course, that they’re due any respect – can we just get it on the record right now that:
Yes, you are very cool;
Yes, we admire you;
Yes, we approve of your taste in music; and
Yes, we wish that we, like you, had it “going on”, “together” or whatever we’re saying these days.

Do I sound crabby? I do? Hmmm. I should work on that.

Well, I don’t mean to sound crabby, but sometimes, when a low, seismic shaking has seized the house, when the windows rattle and I am compelled to run to the porch in time to see the tanks that I assume must rumbling down my street only to discover that it’s actually a car with a stereo system designed for something more in keeping with the vibrations required to reduce buildings to rubble, I get tired.

Oh, so tired.

It’s not the music itself. It’s not even, per se, the decibel level of the music. It’s the implied assumption that we all want to hear what you’ve been listening to because, gosh darn it, we see you as a trendsetter and an example to be followed. Or perhaps you’re completely unaware that there are others in the neighborhood who may not be interested in what you’re listening to? That’s what gets my goat. And yes, I’ve been known to try to hide my goat by repeating “Live and let live, live and let live” until the urge to throttle goes away; but when it’s in the middle of the night, I sometimes forget my commitment to the humanities and think soothing and vengeful thoughts of retribution.

Yesssssss. I picture myself dressed in black, ninja style, rappelling down the side of my house somewhere around 3:00 a.m., slipping, cat-like, amongst the alleys to Mr. Bass Speakers’ house, surreptitiously letting the air out of his tires, sprinkling a little Buck Scent into the seams around his hood, leaving a cryptic and slightly sarcastic note about his taste in music and how much the neighborhood enjoys knowing that he’s six blocks from the house, five blocks away the house, four blocks away…

Mwa ha ha ha haaaaaaa! It’s these little fantasies that keep me smiling. Childish? Perhaps. Satisfying? Yes.

Next? My plans to track down and tattoo the words “I Steal Stuff” to the foreheads of the person and/or persons who stole four of the nine brass jello molds affixed to the gate around the back garden. Stay tuned, kids!


l e d o said...

We like the Cars the Cars that go boom... I remember that song! I grew up in El Paso Tx where mexicans (me included) thrived on the boom. Nothing like feeling the lining of your stomach quiver in glee to the gangsta rap beats of Kid Frost. But yeah... now that Im old and bitter I feel the same... those meddling kids!

ha ha good stuff "Buck Scent" thats genius.

Pearl said...

Me and a friend did The Cars That Go Boom at karaoke this last winter. :-) Silly people.


mbuna53 said...

Man do I hate the cars that go "BOOM".

It is not so much that I usually hate the music that they are blaring, but that the driver thinks, if you can call it that, that everybody else wants to listen to what they are listening to. The arrogance! It pisses me off.

I think everybody should be listening to Hoven Droven & Jonas Hellborg, but I don't go running around cramming it down peoples ears!

Show a little respect people.


Barbara Blundell said...

Pearl.Have I missed something ? Perhaps I should get out more. I still keep my jelly moulds in a cupboard

Atlsat said...

Cars that go boom down the street, at least they go away after a minute or so.. Try filling up your car at the gas station with a roof overhead and one of those boom cars rolls up and leaves his music on, all the windows down. Playing Young Jeezy, Ace Hood and Gucci Mane at the decibel level to rival being front row at a Led Zeppelin concert or behind the jet engine of a 757. Great post!

mbuna53 said...

Atlsat, great point. I can decide which I hate more on the one hand you have to put up with that muzak as long as you are gassing up your car, one time I just about went over to a car like that and turned down the volume, but on the other even though it goes by fairly quickly you are in your home trying to relax or listening to something else.

What's a soul to do?